my continual amazement and joy

There have been many days so far during this pregnancy where I have felt terrible. Nauseated, throwing up, sore, just all around sick. I'll admit that pregnancy isn't always a cake walk. It isn't always something that makes you feel like it's the greatest experience of your life (though looking back over the past nearly 20 weeks, it is). I'll admit that it bothered me in the beginning, feeling sick all the time, and crying all the time (that being said, I would never in my life say that these would be good reasons to support abortion... so what if I have to endure this for 40 weeks? Why should my discomfort give me the freedom to choose whether or not a child is allowed the right to live?).

Now... even now I have my sick days. I have days where I can barely move without hurting in some way or form. But at the end of the day, when I'm laying in bed waiting to fall asleep and I feel those little kicks and nudges bumping against my hand... I don't care anymore. It doesn't bother me. Give me 142 more days of being sick or sore... I don't care as long as I can feel that life in there. There is a baby in there and feeling the movement... it's amazing. I love it. I love the baby. I love knowing the baby is in there, moving, growing. Living.

I wish I could share it with everyone. I wish Carl could feel every kick that I feel, every movement. Sometimes he can, sometimes he can't. But I wish he could feel it all the time when I do. I wish my mom could, I wish everyone could. It's amazing. And I guess I count it a very special sort of bond between us because usually I am the only one who can feel it, and I do announce it to others and tell them about it because I am so amazed by it... but sometimes I feel like it's a sort of secret between us because nobody else feels it when I do the way I do.

For those mothers who decided that they had a choice in whether or not their child was allowed the right to live... and murdered the baby before it could even get to this point, big enough and strong enough to be able to be felt... to let it's presence be known... they're missing out. And the ones who have later abortions after feeling the baby kicking and moving... I honestly don't get it.

But the good news is (and this is the only good news about abortion) that the innocent soul of the precious babies who never had or will have the chance to live... they will be in heaven.

I can feel our baby moving around right now.

I'm still amazed.