saying goodbye.

After a long week as parents of three younguns, Carl and I said good-bye to “O” today as we dropped her off to be picked up by another family friend. I didn’t want to. I really, really didn’t want to. My heart has been heavy all day long and I keep wishing she was around to follow me all over the house going, “Mom! Mom! Mom! Whatsa doin? Whatsa doin?” all day long.

We knew that it wouldn’t be forever. It was only ever meant to be temporary. We said goodbye a little sooner than we expected for a multitude of reasons.

Please pray for “O” as she settles into her new home… pray that soon there is stability for her, that she will be happy and healthy and safe where she is.

I sure am gonna miss her.

just a small update

People have been asking, so here’s a small little update to let you know how things are going with O.

We are acclimating to this new adventure as well as we can. We were certainly not prepared to do something like this at this time, but it’s happened and what more can we do but roll with it? We’ve had a lot of outreach and out-pourings of love from those around us and those who aren’t around us physically, and we are so thankful for that. You guys are seriously amazing. I’m so thankful for your love and support and really if it weren’t for such loving, kind friends to encourage us, I don’t know how I’d have made it even this far.

Because this is very emotional. For a child to be taken from her mother, it has to be serious, and this is definitely serious. It is heartbreaking to witness this first-hand, and to have to have an inside look at something so sad. I don’t think I will ever know 100% what it is like to be a foster parent, to take on that role for many different children who could stay for a day or months, but so far we have been given the opportunity to experience it to some degree.

It gives me newfound respect for those who willingly choose this, who go through all the preparation and the home inspections and wake up in the middle of the night as a new child is brought to their door. It takes strong people. It takes people with big hearts ready to love a child who could leave at any moment.

To really get a feel for the life of a foster family, I encourage you to check out my friend Meghan’s blog (that’s a link). It’s been so helpful to me this past week. It’s encouraging and touching and moving, sometimes heartbreaking, a love-driven journey.

In terms of how O is doing… she’s having a lot of fun playing with all the toys here. She is a polite little girl who is so very sweet and likes to help. You can tell, though, she’s never really had much stability. Hopefully this short time she’s with us will be a good time for her, though.

We only really have trouble when she doesn’t get her way, but that’s kind of the same with most children, isn’t it?

Anyway, that’s all I can really do in terms of updating right now. There’s more going on, but right now I don’t really feel like talking about it just yet. Please continue praying for us all!

& Now for something completely different…

Carl and I have once more embarked on a new and different adventure in parenting, and no, this is not a pregnancy announcement.

Because a situation arose that needed immediate care, Carl and I have become voluntary foster parents. A woman who had been visiting the congregation for a while now got into a serious situation in which her daughter, who will be 3 in November, had to be removed from the living situation. To avoid her going directly into the “System”, of which I know absolutely nothing, her mother named us to DHR to see if we would be willing to take the girl (we’ll call her O for privacy issues).

It happened Monday afternoon. Clara and I were hanging out in the living room while Carl and Benjamin ran to get groceries at Wal-Mart when there came a knock on the kitchen door. Can you imagine my shock when I open up to a police officer? Once the DHR case worker came up and explained the situation, and asked if we’d be willing to take temporary physical custody of the girl, I could not say no.

We couldn’t get ahold of Carl during this time because there is no service in Wal-Mart (which is absolutely irritating). so here I am at my dining room table with a tearful mother, a cop, and a DHR case worker going over details. I sent him a text message: “You need to come home NOW” and after a bit, he called that he was on his way home and I explained very briefly, “DHR is here with O…”

Later I apologized to Carl because I hadn’t waited for him to say that we would, but he felt  the same way that I did. She needed a good home immediately and we had one.

We don’t know how long she’ll be with us. Because the situation is a serious one, it could be quite a long time. Because we don’t have unlimited finances, and because we already have Benjamin and Clara, we may not be able to keep her here for as long as she is away from her mother. But for right now, she is here with us and she is being taken care of.

I’m now asking you all to please pray with us. Carl and I have not had any sort of training in this area. We’ve never taken any fostering classes. We had no idea what to expect at all. Of course, we have been parents for nearly five years, and that’s the experience we can claim, but this is different.

But I don’t think anything could prepare anyone for the hour and a half spent trying to soothe a sobbing toddler who is crying that she wants her mommy.

I have never felt so heartbroken in my life.

And, I have never felt so humbled by the love and support that our friends and family have shown us as we embark on this new and challenging journey. We truly love each and every one of you. For those who have reached out in whatever way already, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

Please, please pray for all of us in this situation.

Benjamin and O during Bible time.

Pre-School

A couple of weeks ago, I told my dad that parenting was so stressful because you have to make decisions for another human being and there’s not always a clear cut answer as to whether it is the right decision or not… and then, when they’re older, you have to let go and trust them to make their own decisions, whether they be right or wrong. I was stressing because I knew that soon, Benjamin would be starting Pre-School, even if only for four hours a day.

If you had asked Carl or me at the beginning of this year whether or not we were sending Benjamin to public school, we would have answered that we were planning on Homeschooling, and I would have added that I was very excited to embark on that adventure with Benjamin, and then a few years later, Clara.

But, things have changed. I examined myself and realized there were some reasons I was homeschooling that did not have anything to do with my child and his well-being. I had allowed myself to be swayed by others, by their scruples, instead of coming to my own conclusion.

Truth be told, the environment here has a lot to do with our decision to send Benjamin to public school. I was pleasantly surprised when the football teams last Friday night at the high school all huddled up together after the game and had a prayer. Out there. In public. In front of everyone. It was impressive that they weren’t discouraged from doing so. The school system is a good one. We know plenty of the teachers who are members of the church. We know plenty of the students. We plan on being as involved as we are able.

We plan on encouraging Benjamin to be a shining light to others as he goes out to school. This was another thing that swayed me toward public school. We had friends whose son brought boys from school to church several times. I want to give Benjamin the opportunity to do this, because I think it’s something he’d be really great at, seeing as he is so friendly and enjoys making new friends.

There are several other reasons, but I actually didn’t start writing this blog to go on a tangent about that… I actually wanted to say that our first week at WEE school was awesome and Benjamin had a great time! He loved it! He loves his teacher and loves his new friends. Today he came home with a piece of candy that he got out of the prize box because his schoolbus didn’t get moved off of the green light all week!

I’m so proud of him and excited for him. I have saved the papers he’s brought home each day in a folder… including the envelopes with pictures he has drawn me or “letters” he has written me. It’s nice to know that even while he is away at school, he is thinking of me. It sort of makes me tear up every time he brings an envelope to me with “Mommy” written on the front and a stamp drawn in the corner.

I pray every night that Carl and I have made the right decision, and I don’t know if we will ever know for sure… but right now I’m happy that we are able to send Benjamin to WEE school. If you would, please pray for Benjamin. This is an exciting and new experience for him… and I pray, and hope you will too, that he will let his light shine around others.

Morning Glories : Mary Wouldn't Go

Instead of the usual way we do this, I wanted to share this little tidbit that a friend had posted on Facebook. It is just something that parents should always keep in mind. We have a great responsibility. God has given us a little soul for loan... He gave it to us and wants it back some day. 

Mary Wouldn't Go

Mary had a little boy, his soul was white as snow
He never went to Sunday school ‘cause Mary wouldn’t go
He never heard the tales of Christ that thrill a young child’s mind
When other children went to school, this boy was left behind

And as he grew from babe to youth, she saw to her dismay
a soul that once was snowy white become a dingy gray
Realizing he was lost, she tried to win him back 
but the soul that once was white as snow had turned a dirty black

She even started back to church, and read her Bible too
And begged the preacher “isn’t there something you can do?”
The preacher tried and failed and said “we’re just too far behind, 
I tried to tell you years ago but you paid me no mind.” 

And so another soul was lost that once was white as snow
Sunday school just might have helped, 
But Mary wouldn’t go.

O, To Be Like Thee

There is something, and I am sure that most if not all parents would agree, so very humbling about parenting that sometimes just takes my breath away. Especially lately. Benjamin will be three (yes, THREE!) in just a few short months. He’s at that stage where he is repeating everything we say and paying attention to every little detail. He’s always got those beautiful blue eyes peeled wide open, just soaking it all in. Absorbing it. It’s amazing because I believe so many people underestimate how much information these tiny little minds can store. It’s humbling because it reminds me just how careful we need to be, because one thing that this little person wants to do, is … well, everything. Everything he sees us do.

It reminds me of a hymn that we sometimes sing … “O, To Be Like Thee” – you know the one? It gets me thinking … Benjamin really looks up to us. He really wants to be like us as much as possible. He wants to do what we do. He wants to say what we say. He wants to eat what we eat (which is difficult if what we’re eating has eggs in it – yes, still working with that allergy). He wants to drink what we drink (unless it’s a soda, because he thinks those are ‘yucky’). You would think sometimes that he would just be thinking desperately, “O, to be like mommy” or “O, to be like daddy”.

You see, he puts a lot of effort into being like mommy or like daddy.

And we sing “O, to be like Thee, blessed Redeemer, pure as Thou art” … but do we always put that effort into it?

Me … well, I will be the first to tell anyone that I’m not perfect. I do my best – sometimes not even that and I’m ashamed to say it! But it’s true. I don’t always do my best. I could do more. I know I can do more.

Oh! to be like Thee, full of compassion,
Loving, forgiving, tender and kind,
Helping the helpless, cheering the fainting,
Seeking the wand’ring sinner to find.

Loving … forgiving … tender and kind. Full of compassion. I can do better than what I’m doing now … certainly, I can.

So when Benjamin mimics me, he can also be mimicking Christ. Does that make sense? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could instill that in him … to put even more effort into being Christ-like when he’s older?

It starts with me, though.

Humbling, right? Sobering. My toes are all sorts of sore from treading on them this past week as I’ve been milling this thought around through my head, wondering why we sing such songs and never really take them to heart … Ouch, Kristen. It starts with me.

It starts with soaking up God’s word … and desiring to live Christ-like. O, to be like Him! I know I can do so much more than I have been. Y’all pray for me. I don’t always have my priorities in the right order.

Oh! to be like Thee, blessed Redeemer,
This is my constant longing and prayer;
Gladly I’ll forfeit all of earth’s treasures,
Jesus, Thy perfect likeness to wear.

Oh! to be like Thee, oh! to be like Thee,
Blessed Redeemer, pure as Thou art;
Come in Thy sweetness, come in Thy fullness;
Stamp Thine own image deep on my heart.

Overprotective, or protective enough?

Do you know what phrase literally makes me cringe when I hear it? “Boys will be boys”. I hear it a lot and to some degree I do agree with it. Boys will be boys and should be allowed to be boys – to a point. A lot of the time when I hear this phrase it’s in reference to the fact that Benjamin is prone to getting himself hurt on different occasions as he plays. Small bumps and bruises are natural for him because he plays in such a way that he collects them, little by little, over time. Now, I don’t want anyone to go away from this thinking that Benjamin jumps off of our roof or off of tables or swings from the chandelier. He doesn’t. But he does often run and fall and collects his bruises that way.

But there is a point where ‘boys being boys’ does make me cringe, and I hope I’m not labeled as a ‘bad’ or ‘overprotective’ parent because of it. I know there are a lot of times ‘boys being boys’ refers to the fact that boys will beat up on each other. I don’t think wrestling around is bad, just in a playful manner, but I do think there is a line… and that line should be identified and more importantly enforced.

I recently went to a visitation where a collection of boys were beating the daylights out of each other in their ‘game of tag’. I mean, not a pat to say tag that might have been more of a ‘slap’ than a pat. They were literally beating each other. I was mortified. How could children think that that sort of behavior is acceptable in any situation, but especially at a funeral home? I stepped in and told them that they needed to stop (because their parents were not attending to them), because they were doing this in front of Benjamin and I did not want him going away from that thinking that it was an acceptable way to play with one another.

Boys can be boys … but any boy of mine must be respectful of those around him. I don’t want Benjamin to be a bully, I want him to be a gentleman, even now when he is two years old. I don’t want him to think that pushing and hitting are forms of play.

Is that overprotective of me? I’m asking this seriously. I have been told plenty of times that I can’t shelter Benjamin forever, and I certainly don’t want to be a helicopter mom, but Benjamin’s behavior at this point is my responsibility. It is going to shape much of his behavior later in life and I just don’t want to mess up early and have to fix mistakes later on.

I am honestly posting this for YOUR input. Please, mothers of boys or even mothers of girls, if you have any advice for me or input, please give it to me. I think daily about my responsibility as a parent and it so often overwhelms me and humbles me.

One day he’s going to leave my house,
and I just want him to go away faithful,
and I want him to respect and love others.

home again, home again, jiggity jig

So sorry for leaving you all hanging there like that! We had a long weekend and I had no time to get on here and blog. I can't believe summer is coming to a close, mainly because it is still extremely hot here and there doesn't seem to be an end to this heat. You just want to stay indoors all day long and I am so glad we have so many things to do inside {we as in Benjamin - he has a plethora of toys and activities} so we don't often have to venture outdoors.

Today we had day 3 of Benjamin's swim safety lessons and he did really well! He definitely did not scream as much as he did last week and he didn't arch his back when she was about to put him in the water. He is getting more used to it, and getting more used to Miss Nadine, which is so good. It is a lot easier to watch her dunk him underwater! Today I watched as he swam with no help toward the steps!! Of course, she was right there by him, but I was amazed! He is so smart!

We were visiting with some new friends over the weekend and they went on and on about how smart Benjamin is {and you'll just have to excuse me "bragging" about my baby boy. You know this blog is about him!}! They are engineers and they joked that Benjamin was going to be an engineer because he has "the knack"! I am a proud mama when other people brag about my baby boy! I don't really know what the knack is, but they said this as Benjamin observed the way a remote caddy spun around as he placed various remotes in various places, and rearranged them. I guess that's something that says "engineer"? ha!

{We all know he's going to be a preacher like his daddy, though!}

Anyway... I think I am more than ready for this heat wave to go away! Heat just adds to my frustrations usually and today I was so frustrated! Benjamin was so tired from the weekend that he just did not want to obey mommy and daddy and we had to do some disciplining - a lot of it. Time-Outs are our best way to get the point across because he absolutely hates going into Time-Out. That is our last resort as we also pop him if he misbehaves and if that doesn't get the point across {sometimes it will, sometimes it won't, depending on his mood}, into Time-Out he goes.

Motherhood can be so hard, right? I hate having to discipline, but it is so necessary. We had an encounter today with some undisciplined children... but I'll not get into that...

Anyway, I wanted to let you know that we are all alive and well! Tired, sometimes frustrated, but well! I wish I had some pictures to share with you but right now I am so tired!!

What Benjamin's Been Up To

No more car pictures and I won't even talk about why our car isn't parked in our driveway, and why that HHR is back there once again.

You're about to see a lot of pictures. A lot of pictures that I have been saving and saving and saving for blog posts, but haven't been able to post because of the new... you know what and because our internet had been down a while. So you're about to be bombarded with Benjamin. I apologize if it slows down your day. I do not apologize for the onslaught of CUTE that is about to happen.

We've been busy lately. I am sure that goes without saying. But besides all the "grown-up" stuff we've been doing, Benjamin has been doing a lot as well. I figured it was about time I told you all what Benjamin's been up to, so you don't have to wait till the 19th when Benjamin turns 17 months old {gasp!}.

You're welcome.

Anyway...

Curiouser and Curiouser...

Benjamin is always finding new things to explore. He loves going outside. He loves going outside barefooted. I happily oblige because of his eczema, which is worse around his ankles. {I'll let you in on our eczema story soon!}. This particular day Benjamin found a pecan in the yard {we have 5 pecan trees}. That was very exciting.





Climbing to new Heights...
Benjamin has been climbing on everything. For a while there he was not really a climber at all. I was really thankful for this because we were able to keep his crib mattress at the highest setting and not worry about him climbing out! But now that he is constantly climbing on things, we had to let his mattress down all the way. He's started climbing on chairs, sofas, toilets, his big stroller, boxes, and tables. He is a wild man!



Babbling Boy
Benjamin is always babbling. He is always talking about something and using BIG gestures! He has been really cute lately as he will squat down and whisper to us frequently. While we don't understand most of what he says, he does say a few things that we do understand, even if it isn't plain English. We know what he means... or at least we think we do..

.babaw = papaw
.cuhcuh = cracker
.dada
.baba = mama {we think!}
.baw = ball
.coocoos = Blues Clues
.babo = Bible
.aaaaga/aaaada! = amen!
.uh-uh = no
.mhm = yes

He also signs for "more" at random times, though he knows what it means. He knows a few animal sounds too, such as dog, monkey, snake, cow, and bird.



He's a Charmer.
Benjamin knows how to work a crowd! He is such a ham, always. He's very affectionate too. He loves giving kisses {to EVERYthing!!} and is very sweet to blow a kiss too, if you're lucky! He acts bashful a lot which everyone thinks is so cute {hence why he acts that way}. He really is a crowd pleaser. He knows what people think is cute!



Every day brings new excitement!
We have been so blessed with this precious boy! I am enjoying this summer already. We go on walks every morning right after we wake up to enjoy the peaceful, cool mornings. Benjamin likes to look at all the things around us and sometimes points out things like balls and dogs. There is always something new to explore and always something exciting to do. I never thought being a parent could come with so many rewarding moments.



{Baptizing a dandelion... of course!}

Parenting Is Not A Competition

So you're in the hospital, you've just given birth and you're spending a few peaceful moments while your husband has your new shiny baby, and you're surfing the internet. You're giving an update {let's just say on Facebook} as to how things went and are going, how big the baby was, how long you were in labor, etc. It's all seemingly innocent. It's to fill in family and friends who honestly want to know and are waiting with bated breath to know how everything went and how momma and baby are doing.

Whether you know it or not, you have just entered into one of the longest competitions of your life. That competition being: Parenting.

Okay, not really. At least it shouldn't be. But have you noticed that sometimes it feels just that way? For some reason in their free time, mothers compare their children, and sometimes this is not good. We start talking about our babies' accomplishments and milestones and soon we're saying things like "Well, Benjamin was able to do that months ago..." or "Well, my daughter has been saying a lot more words for a few months..." or "Well, he's been potty trained since he was three weeks old!"

Ahem.

I am just going to take this moment to announce to all of you mothers or mothers-to-be this simple and yet very meaningful statement:

Parenting Is NOT A Competition.

I know, I know. Some of you must be thinking, "Well, duh..." But give that a serious thought. How many times have you felt discouraged because someone has said, "Well, my child has done that since..." after you've told them something your child has learned to do that's gotten you really excited? On the other hand, how many times have you proudly bragged that your child has been doing something before your friends' baby or perhaps even a family member's?

I used to feel so down when I heard that my friends' children who were Ben's age were doing things that he wasn't anywhere close to doing. It's probably one of the worst feelings in the world - feeling like your child is somehow behind in development.

A mother should never, ever feel this way about her child. It breaks my heart to think that any other mother could feel the way I once felt. It's one of the reasons I try so hard to be careful about what I say around or to other mothers. Not that my child is some sort of super genius, but you know parents are proud of their children's accomplishments.

There is absolutely no justification for a mother who goes out of her way to make another mother feel inferior. This may seem a little harsh, but I'm just going to come out and say it: shame on you. It really burns me to see friends of mine who feel that way.

We should all rejoice with each other's children's accomplishments because it's exciting for the child and for the parents! We should never feel the need to make our friends or family members feel like it's not that big of a deal, even if your child has been doing whatever it is for a much longer time, or even a few days.

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"...charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,..."

Charity {love} does not boast and brag and puff itself up.

Maybe we should keep that in mind before we feel like bragging to our friends and family and making them feel bad.

Let's grow up and act like adults so we can enjoy our children as they grow up, and rejoice with our friends and family members as their children grow up as well.

Because parenting is not a competition, and it should never feel like one.