I have not been very good at blogging recently. I used to do well to get one post a day out and I’m sure that was excessive as all get out, but somehow it tapered off to a couple of posts here and there in the month if we were lucky. We’ve been busy with Clara and moving and so many changes.
We’re inching closer and closer to a new year, a fresh slate, a brand new beginning. This past year perhaps could be dubbed “The Year of Challenges” or “The Year of Changes” because we went through so many of both in 2013, but I am sure the next year will bring both as well.
This time last year, I was still only beginning to face my PTSD, beginning to deal with the fact that I had to take antidepressants to help me out as I faced it. Around this time, Benjamin was in the hospital for a second time. We were a few weeks short of meeting our sweet baby girl. Everything was busy, everything was emotional.
This past year has been filled with such a chaos of emotions. Depression, anxiety, joy, fear, anger, hope, sorrow, love, happiness. So many what-if moments, so many blessed moments, so many how-can-this-be-happening-to-US moments. So many thank-you-FATHER moments. I have experienced heartache. I have experienced helplessness. I have experienced hopefulness. I have experienced darkness and light. Love. So much love.
Moments that I wouldn’t dare change because they are necessary.
I’ve grown so much.
We – Carl and I – have grown so much.
Our family has grown so much.
Every time we start a new year, I always hope that by the time it’s over, I can look back and honestly say that I’m a better person now than I was a year ago… and looking back, I think that I am in some areas. In some areas, I’m not. Let’s be honest here, I’m not perfect. I could do better and I hope that I do.
This time next year… I really do hope to be able to look back and say that I’ve conquered myself a little more, that I’ve surrendered my stubborn soul to Him more than the year before, that I’ve given my all to the people I love.
I pray that you… whoever happens to be reading this… whether you’ve endured heartaches or happiness, whether your heart has been weighed down by sorrow and pain or whether it’s been lifted up with joy and peacefulness… I wish you all beauty and growth in the new year. I hope that your soul blooms. I hope that your life overflows with blessing so much that you just can’t stand it.
I hope that this next year is met with courage no matter your circumstance, and determination to be able to look back and say, this time next year, that you did your best and you’re better for it.
Me… I want to be a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better sister, a better in-law, a better… everything. Above all a better Christian. My New Year’s resolution… my every day forthcoming resolution, is to try.
