just keep swimming

Lately we have been spending a lot of time in the sunshine, in the pool that we have set up on our back porch. It is money well spent because the kids LOVE it and it wears Clara out so she goes down super easy for naptime and bedtime {because you can’t just swim ONCE a day, right?}. I was kind of disappointed to wake up to dreary skies this morning. Ah well, the swim suits were in the wash, anyway.

For those of you who do not struggle with issues like anxiety or depression, a little insight… some days are very, very challenging. Parenting is challenging in the first place but when it feels like your mind is working against you… those days seem so impossible. Meltdowns happen, sometimes for all three of us. Sometimes it’s hard to “just keep swimming” when you just wanna throw in the {beach} towel.

It helps to be able to get out of the house and into the sunshine. The kids are happy, and I can relax. The kids being outside means that the house doesn’t get torn up quite as bad as when they spend the day inside, which means I don’t feel out of control and stressed at  the end of the day. And besides that, there have been studies that show vitamin D can help with depression, so there’s that, too.

It’s just a little bit amazing how a little bit of sunshine can affect our moods.

Maybe after naptime, which is currently going on right now, the sun will have peeked out from behind some of these clouds and we’ll have a few rays to splash around in. Here’s hoping!

facing ptsd, a year later.

***Because I have friends who have had difficult experiences or who may have slightly elevated hormones, I’m going to go ahead and say that this post can be a BIG TRIGGER as I talk about my PTSD and events surrounding it.***

It has been a little over a year now since I have been dealing with my PTSD resulting from Benjamin’s birth almost five years ago. I wanted to tell you all that I am so thankful for every prayer that you may have offered up on my behalf, or on the behalf of my family as they help me through this. I was thinking yesterday how I couldn’t believe how soon Benjamin would be five and how five years ago, I would have never, ever thought I’d be facing the challenges that I still face on a daily basis because of what happened.

Five years ago today, I was still pregnant, still counting on my baby boy to arrive in a mere five days {which did not happen… he was late then and still to this day, he takes his time doing just about everything}. I was not planning on experiencing a traumatic birth in ten days’ time, facing the reality that if I had not been stitched up when I was, I could have been dead. I had no thoughts whatsoever that it could happen to me. I knew women tore in childbirth but for whatever reason I had no idea that women could bleed to death after bringing a new precious baby into the world.

For a few weeks now, I have been contemplating this blog post, but I have not been able to bring myself to talk about it. Sometimes it’s hard. I have not been regularly taking my medicine for a while now because I haven’t been sure if I’d be able to get my refills. I had been wanting to be off medication completely by the end of December, but I was unaware of the changes we’d be going through as a family and stress of moving that we would be enduring.

Every little thing that is out of the norm for me can set my teeth on edge. Being away from all my friends who were so helpful to me in dealing with everything has been hard. Being in a new place and being afraid that people won’t “get it” has been hard.

Some days are harder than others. Some days I feel a little more on edge than others and I can be a little snippier than I’d prefer to be. Sometimes when my friends go into labor, I get really, really scared. I almost had a panic attack watching a certain show where a young lady was going into labor and was losing a lot of blood… yeah, I certainly was not prepared for that!!

But a lot of the time, I’m okay. A lot of the time, I’m better than okay, and sometimes I’m just not okay.

But I’m okay right now, and I just wanted you all to know that I appreciate all your support over the last year.

Especially my caring, thoughtful, understanding, and loving husband who has been my ROCK and who has helped me every step of the way.

I’m blessed, and I’m okay.

looking back & looking forward

I have not been very good at blogging recently. I used to do well to get one post a day out and I’m sure that was excessive as all get out, but somehow it tapered off to a couple of posts here and there in the month if we were lucky. We’ve been busy with Clara and moving and so many changes.

We’re inching closer and closer to a new year, a fresh slate, a brand new beginning. This past year perhaps could be dubbed “The Year of Challenges” or “The Year of Changes” because we went through so many of both in 2013, but I am sure the next year will bring both as well.

This time last year, I was still only beginning to face my PTSD, beginning to deal with the fact that I had to take antidepressants to help me out as I faced it. Around this time, Benjamin was in the hospital for a second time. We were a few weeks short of meeting our sweet baby girl. Everything was busy, everything was emotional.

This past year has been filled with such a chaos of emotions. Depression, anxiety, joy, fear, anger, hope, sorrow, love, happiness. So many what-if moments, so many blessed moments, so many how-can-this-be-happening-to-US moments. So many thank-you-FATHER moments. I have experienced heartache. I have experienced helplessness. I have experienced hopefulness. I have experienced darkness and light. Love. So much love.

Moments that I wouldn’t dare change because they are necessary.

I’ve grown so much.

We – Carl and I – have grown so much.

Our family has grown so much.

Every time we start a new year, I always hope that by the time it’s over, I can look back and honestly say that I’m a better person now than I was a year ago… and looking back, I think that I am in some areas. In some areas, I’m not. Let’s be honest here, I’m not perfect. I could do better and I hope that I do.

This time next year… I really do hope to be able to look back and say that I’ve conquered myself a little more, that I’ve surrendered my stubborn soul to Him more than the year before, that I’ve given my all to the people I love.

I pray that you… whoever happens to be reading this… whether you’ve endured heartaches or happiness, whether your heart has been weighed down by sorrow and pain or whether it’s been lifted up with joy and peacefulness… I wish you all beauty and growth in the new year. I hope that your soul blooms. I hope that your life overflows with blessing so much that you just can’t stand it.

I hope that this next year is met with courage no matter your circumstance, and determination to be able to look back and say, this time next year, that you did your best and you’re better for it.

Me… I want to be a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better sister, a better in-law, a better… everything. Above all a better Christian. My New Year’s resolution… my every day forthcoming resolution, is to try.

blessed & thankful & settling in

So, a week has passed and we are settling in quite well, finally! Clara Grace had a hard time for a few days, not wanting me to leave her at all, and not going down for naps or at bedtime very easily, but I think she is finally getting used to her new surroundings.

In this short week that we have been here, we have already been to Wal-Mart like a million times, saved money by shopping at Kroger, established a new Friday tradition {library – lunch – thrifting}, gotten library cards, met {and loved!} our new pediatrician {because Benjamin needed to go}, been to 1 area wide singing {loved it!}, and did I mention we’ve been to Wal-Mart a million times? ha!

Clara has also gotten sick during this time but I am hoping that she will soon be on the mend… and if not, we’ll be headed back to our new pediatrician to get her well! I certainly do not want to spend Thanksgiving at home with her while everyone else eats turkey!

Benjamin and Clara are sharing a room and so far things are going pretty well with that. Somehow Benjamin doesn’t wake up at night when she is crying which amazes me. Here’s there little setup:

 

So, not too shabby.

As for me… well as soon as Clara started getting more used to the whole thing, I started feeling less stressed and that’s been wonderful. It’s not so bad being in this little apartment… especially knowing we will only be here for a short time.

And as for the place we are… we are blessed and we are thankful.

starting a new chapter.

I’m somewhat of a control freak, if I were to be totally honest with you about it. Not that I just like to control everything and everyone, but I like to have order in my life and know what is going to happen days in advance. I know that I need to be more flexible and I believe {read: hope} that I’m getting better at this… I’ve learned that I can’t control every situation and it’s a hard lesson to learn, but I’m learning it.

A lot of things have happened in the last few months that have turned me on my head, and I’m sure you all know this. At the spur of a moment, we agreed to foster a little girl, and while that only lasted a week and a half it really did turn my world upside down in regards to … well, perspective.

And then shortly thereafter, or actually during all of this, Carl lost his job and we were uprooted completely. I have anxiety about moving, so this just threw me completely. Having bills to pay and no job is stressful. Having to move back in with my parents, although I am SO THANKFUL for them, is stressful.

However… it’s not the first time we’ve had to do this. All those details were nothing new. But this time, we were leaving behind so many amazing friends, and people that we have grown to love so dearly. That has been the hardest of all.

Last time we were in this situation, it took almost 5 months to find a new job. But, I’m happy to say that 6 weeks after the fact, we know where we are going and we are so excited to be moving next weekend.

Excited, and also… really scared. Well, I am, anyway.

Because starting over somewhere new is kinda scary for me.

Deep breath. We’re about to start the next chapter of our ADVENTURE story!

Running Toward God

Up until tonight, I have had a hard time dealing with bitterness and anger concerning the situation we’ve been having to deal with for the last two and a half weeks. I have been confused about why this has happened to my family, why God would allow us to face such uncertainty when we have a baby and a 4-year-old to provide for. Who are we to have to leave our home, our friends, our community?

But who am I to think that I should be exempt from any hardships? Who am I to think that my family shouldn’t have to face uncertainties? I am nothing, I am no better than anyone else.

But my God is everything. my God is powerful, my God cares and has told me that He WILL provide (Matthew 6:25-33).

Sometimes we are put in trials and the only thing we can really do is to run toward God. Maybe that is the lesson I’m supposed to take from this, or at least one of them. To run toward God.

The name of the Lord is a strong tower;
the righteous man runs into it and is safe.
Proverbs 18:10

So, up until tonight, I struggled with anger and “why me” and bitterness… but now, how can I be angry? I’m running toward God and what really could be wrong with running toward God? So maybe I should rejoice instead. I’m sad for the friends we are leaving behind. It makes me so incredibly sad to think about  that. But at the same time, I’m rejoicing, because I’m running toward God, and I know He will take care of us. Because He always has.

life… right now.

I am sure that word has gotten around, especially after Carl announced it on Facebook, that we are now in the market for another preaching job and with that of course comes a new home, new community, new friends… you know, a new life basically. Yes, Carl was “relieved of his duties” {that’s a nice way to put it, so we’ll go with that} last Sunday night. No, I really don’t want to go into details … although some of you know already. It came as a total shock and not one of those welcome kind. At the time, we still had O with us and planned on keeping her as long as DHR allowed us to {although we were very certain that wouldn’t be long at all…}.

So to find out, out of the blue, that we were jobless on Sunday night was like having the rug pulled out from underneath us {again}. Obviously by my saying “again” we know that it isn’t the first time that this has happened… although last time it happened, it was a sort of snowball that finally reached us… this time it truly was like a rug being yanked and the first half of this week I felt like I couldn’t pull myself off of the floor.

But you know what? You have to. That’s just life. And unfortunately this kind of thing, this sudden termination, isn’t always unknown in the ministry life, as it were. Unfortunately it happens all the time. Unfortunately we have a lot of preaching friends who can commiserate with us. But, fortunately, a lot of them have assured us that things will work out, that we will get back up again, that we will find somewhere else, and we will be taken care of.

We have a time crunch, though. We were given three weeks. While Carl is searching for a new job and contacting different congregations, I’ve been working hard to  get the house packed up. It’s so hard when I have a six month old and a four year old as well… Good thing I’m an insanely fast packer! At least it does well enough to keep my mind off of things.

I know that things will work out. I want to be real with you, though. It has been really difficult for me to not be bitter and angry about this. I don’t  think it’s right and I don’t think it’s fair, but that’s just how it is sometimes. There is nothing I can do about it, except not let it slow me down too much. And I say “too much” because it does slow me down. I have moments where I am fed up with packing, and fed up with why I’m packing, and wish I could somehow change things.

But I can’t.

I wish I could be like Benjamin and just be excited about a new adventure. Ignorance really is bliss because he is oblivious to the stress that comes along with all of this. He doesn’t know that finding a preaching job sometimes takes a really, really long time. We’ll probably end up living with my parents {again, again} for a little while as we search for our next home. All Benjamin will know is that he gets to spend more time with people who love him, and that’s awesome. He’s excited to be able to meet new people and make new friends and I am so thankful for my upbeat little guy who gives me a new perspective each and every day.

So, yeah. We don’t have a job, and we will soon be leaving this home… and I don’t know where we’ll end up, and that’s scary and terrifying and exciting. And that’s life and life’s good most of the time so I guess what I’m trying to say is

we will be okay.

matthew 6:33 – seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be given unto you

just a small update

People have been asking, so here’s a small little update to let you know how things are going with O.

We are acclimating to this new adventure as well as we can. We were certainly not prepared to do something like this at this time, but it’s happened and what more can we do but roll with it? We’ve had a lot of outreach and out-pourings of love from those around us and those who aren’t around us physically, and we are so thankful for that. You guys are seriously amazing. I’m so thankful for your love and support and really if it weren’t for such loving, kind friends to encourage us, I don’t know how I’d have made it even this far.

Because this is very emotional. For a child to be taken from her mother, it has to be serious, and this is definitely serious. It is heartbreaking to witness this first-hand, and to have to have an inside look at something so sad. I don’t think I will ever know 100% what it is like to be a foster parent, to take on that role for many different children who could stay for a day or months, but so far we have been given the opportunity to experience it to some degree.

It gives me newfound respect for those who willingly choose this, who go through all the preparation and the home inspections and wake up in the middle of the night as a new child is brought to their door. It takes strong people. It takes people with big hearts ready to love a child who could leave at any moment.

To really get a feel for the life of a foster family, I encourage you to check out my friend Meghan’s blog (that’s a link). It’s been so helpful to me this past week. It’s encouraging and touching and moving, sometimes heartbreaking, a love-driven journey.

In terms of how O is doing… she’s having a lot of fun playing with all the toys here. She is a polite little girl who is so very sweet and likes to help. You can tell, though, she’s never really had much stability. Hopefully this short time she’s with us will be a good time for her, though.

We only really have trouble when she doesn’t get her way, but that’s kind of the same with most children, isn’t it?

Anyway, that’s all I can really do in terms of updating right now. There’s more going on, but right now I don’t really feel like talking about it just yet. Please continue praying for us all!

my benjamin

Silly, goofy, funny

Cute, lovable, entertaining

Handsome, sweet, caring

My happy Benjamin.

& Now for something completely different…

Carl and I have once more embarked on a new and different adventure in parenting, and no, this is not a pregnancy announcement.

Because a situation arose that needed immediate care, Carl and I have become voluntary foster parents. A woman who had been visiting the congregation for a while now got into a serious situation in which her daughter, who will be 3 in November, had to be removed from the living situation. To avoid her going directly into the “System”, of which I know absolutely nothing, her mother named us to DHR to see if we would be willing to take the girl (we’ll call her O for privacy issues).

It happened Monday afternoon. Clara and I were hanging out in the living room while Carl and Benjamin ran to get groceries at Wal-Mart when there came a knock on the kitchen door. Can you imagine my shock when I open up to a police officer? Once the DHR case worker came up and explained the situation, and asked if we’d be willing to take temporary physical custody of the girl, I could not say no.

We couldn’t get ahold of Carl during this time because there is no service in Wal-Mart (which is absolutely irritating). so here I am at my dining room table with a tearful mother, a cop, and a DHR case worker going over details. I sent him a text message: “You need to come home NOW” and after a bit, he called that he was on his way home and I explained very briefly, “DHR is here with O…”

Later I apologized to Carl because I hadn’t waited for him to say that we would, but he felt  the same way that I did. She needed a good home immediately and we had one.

We don’t know how long she’ll be with us. Because the situation is a serious one, it could be quite a long time. Because we don’t have unlimited finances, and because we already have Benjamin and Clara, we may not be able to keep her here for as long as she is away from her mother. But for right now, she is here with us and she is being taken care of.

I’m now asking you all to please pray with us. Carl and I have not had any sort of training in this area. We’ve never taken any fostering classes. We had no idea what to expect at all. Of course, we have been parents for nearly five years, and that’s the experience we can claim, but this is different.

But I don’t think anything could prepare anyone for the hour and a half spent trying to soothe a sobbing toddler who is crying that she wants her mommy.

I have never felt so heartbroken in my life.

And, I have never felt so humbled by the love and support that our friends and family have shown us as we embark on this new and challenging journey. We truly love each and every one of you. For those who have reached out in whatever way already, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

Please, please pray for all of us in this situation.

Benjamin and O during Bible time.

blessed.

Last night, I was going through some old videos that I had uploaded and couldn’t help but to linger on the ones of Benjamin when he was a little toddler. I can’t believe how quickly time has passed by… how it feels like only yesterday he was toting around his stuffed Eeyore, watching Blues Clues, and snuggling with me in the mornings. Now, he’s toting around a bug net, watching Transformers, and going off to pre-school in the mornings! It’s hard to believe that my little pudgy-faced Benjamin is really getting to be a big boy… soon the dimples in his hands will be gone and he won’t need any help in the bathroom, he’ll take showers by himself, and then he’ll be taller than me…

I never knew how blessed my life would be when I had Benjamin. I never knew how much love my heart could hold, how I would feel like crying when his little arm wrapped around mine as he cuddled me on the couch. I never knew how much it would mean to me to hear, “Mom, I love you” throughout the day or get those random hugs and kisses.

God has truly blessed me with Benjamin… I am so incredibly blessed to be his mommy…

And now I’m going to share some chocolate cake with my sweet boy.

“Mom, does it have eggs in it?”
”No, it sure doesn’t!”
”I like chocolate cake!”

my first hate mail.

Today marks another first in my book.

Today I received my first ever hate mail. It wasn’t actually mailed to me. Instead, it was handed to me. The person who had written the hate mail then stepped back and watched me read it, probably watching my face to gauge my reaction. Although I had been having a pretty blue morning to begin with {I do still have those days as I battle my depression}, I feel like I handled myself okay {although it did still hurt to receive such a note}.

Why, you ask, would I ever receive a piece of hate mail?

Well, because I told Benjamin he could not have a piece of gum.

Once he handed this note to me, I told him, “Well, that doesn’t seem very nice…” and handed it back to him. He looked at me for a moment before thinking better of his hate mail and crumpled it up, and threw it in the kitchen trash can. A little bit later, he came back into the living room with a fresh piece of paper and told me, “I’m going to write a nice letter now…”

That made me feel better.

While it really did hurt my heart when it happened {isn’t that strange, how something like that can really make you feel sad, even though you know they don’t really mean it? … motherhood can break your heart sometimes!}, it’s really actually super hilarious and I just had to share.

I’m glad that Benjamin is able to convey his feelings… and impressed that he can spell! But I’m also glad that he knew when he was being ugly and knew he needed to change his attitude.

Just another little glimpse into our life…

 
 
 

Love my goofy, emotional boy!

last firsts.

I was thinking today how bittersweet it actually is to be witnessing all of Clara Grace’s “firsts”. Today she grabbed a toy for the first time by herself. She’d grabbed toys with our help before but today she actually grabbed this ball by herself. It’s sometimes the small things that bring about the most excitement and today I was excited for my little girl!

But it was bittersweet as well because this could very well be the last time we witness a “first toy grab” from our babies… because Clara Grace may very well be the last baby that we have. Things could change in the future, you never know, but as it stands it may very well just be Benjamin and Clara – and we are so very, very blessed to have them as our children so I’m not complaining in the least!

It does, however, remind me that every day and every moment is a precious memory.

why do you always call me your baby?

This morning, Benjamin asked me a question: “Mom, why do you always call me your baby?”

I told him it was because I loved him and never wanted him to grow up. He told me that he wanted to grow up big like daddy, and I asked him if it bothered him that I called him my baby. He told me that it did.

My heart sank a little when he said that.

Okay, it sank a lot.

I have known for a while that this was coming. He would no longer want to be called my baby. He would no longer want to cuddle and snuggle under the covers like he used to. I had thought that I’d been preparing myself for this, but this morning, I was not prepared. I wanted to squeeze him and tell him that no matter what, he was still going to be my baby, and he didn’t have to like it. That’s just the way it is. Always my baby.

Instead, I asked him if I could call him my big boy, and he said that I could. That is, after all, what he is. He’s big enough to dress himself. Big enough to turn on lights by himself. Big enough to use the bathroom alone. Big enough to sleep in his big, full-sized bed without any rails. Big enough to walk through Walmart without having to hold a hand constantly.

He’s a big boy. He’s four years old. He wants to do things on his own. He doesn’t want to be a baby anymore.

But you know… I hate to break it to Benjamin, but he is always going to be my baby. I remember the first few minutes after his birth, as everything around me went black and all I could hear was the quiet panic of the nurses around me as they scrambled to stop my bleeding and tried to find my pulse. For a short moment, I had resigned myself to the fact that I would not get to truly meet my baby boy because there was nothing they could do to stop the bleeding, so I thought.

The baby boy I thought I’d never get to hold again will always be my baby boy.

So, don’t tell Benjamin, but I am secretly going to keep calling him my baby. Because he always will be.

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

“half blind”.

I’ve been getting a lot of people asking me how my eye is doing since I really haven’t been talking much about it as I’ve had a much cuter subject to talk about recently… I figured I’d give you all an update, although it really isn’t much of one.

My eye is pretty much the same. Some days are better, some days are worse, depending on what I do or even how I slept the night before. Basically the way my retina doctor described it was as if it were a pool of muddy water. The more I do, the more “stirred up” it gets and the more visible the hemorrhage is in my eye, the blurrier my vision, etc. I don’t know if I’m just getting used to the way it looks with the hemorrhage in my vision, or if it’s actually reabsorbing, but some days it seems like there is less blood blocking my vision.

I never made it back to my retina doctor because they wanted to do a dye test on me, and the dye would stay in my system for three days – meaning that I would have to pump three days’ worth milk for Clara before hand, and then pump and dump for three days afterward. Since this eye problem isn’t getting any worse, and doesn’t seem detrimental, we decided to put it off until it seems more “doable” for us.

So … that’s where we are. It’s annoying, but I guess you take what you’re given, right?

Here are a few things that are really hard to do when you’re “half blind”, in case you were wondering:

• Putting on makeup. Especially eye makeup, especially on my right eye since I can’t see what I’m doing, at all. So if you see me and my right eye makeup looks like Benjamin applied it… it’s because it’s like putting on make up while having to look into the dirtiest mirror possible. Oh, and without any depth perception. So eye-stabbing with eyeliner is inevitable.
• Painting fingernails/toenails. Even if I close one eye to try and concentrate on my nails, it’s really difficult to gauge distance when I really don’t have any depth perception. Seriously my nails look hilarious if I don’t take my time, and I mean a LOT of time.
• Cooking. Pouring things oftentimes results in things being spilled all over the counter. This is another thing I have to be careful to take my time doing… nobody wants undercooked food because the cook couldn’t see it. Chopping things? That’s scary. I’m afraid I’ll cut my finger off whenever I start chopping.
• Sweeping/Vacuuming. I miss a lot of the small things when I vacuum or sweep now. {Of course, I don’t vacuum right now because our amazing vacuum is a little heavy and I don’t want to set myself back in my recovery}. And no, this isn’t an excuse for having dirty floors! ha!
• Dishes. Seriously not fun reaching into the dishwasher and hoping you grab the right end of a knife!
• Reading. It’s so hard for my eyes to focus that I can’t read for long periods of time. And typing? Worse. This blog post alone has taken a few days for me to put together! Yes, it’s that bad!

However… no matter how difficult things get, I am thankful that it isn’t worse. I was so afraid when I went to the retina doctor that he would say I had indicators of retinitis pigmentosa, which is an eye disease that my mother has. Thankful to God that he said there was no indication of RP!

So now, we wait to see if my eye will reabsorb the blood, or if I will need to have it drained surgically and filled with saline… gross, I know. Blah. I hate thinking of it.

In case you were wondering… things that are difficult while holding a clingy newborn while you are nearly half-blind:

• Everything.

adjusting… pt 2.

I know I was asking for it when I said yesterday that things were going really well as far as adjusting was going.

Wouldn’t you know that today was a really difficult day? Maybe it was because last night, miss Clara decided she wanted to be awake more than she was asleep, and her favorite thing to do while she is awake is to nurse. Being awake is exhausting enough but spending that time nursing is even more so. Don’t get me wrong – I know I am blessed with this sweet child and I tell myself very frequently what a blessing it is to have this little one to depend on me {I know I’ve mentioned it in previous posts and I hope I’m not tiring y’all out by saying it so often… I’m trying to ingrain it within me, ha!}.

But today was hard. I think perhaps both kids sort of fed off of my “I’m-too-tired-for-this” vibes, because both were giving me a run for my money. One would not let me put her down for anything – and like I said earlier, her favorite thing to do is nurse… and the other was acting out, which I assume is just something that comes along with him adjusting to not having all the attention on him anymore.

I told myself several times throughout the day that we are all adjusting to the new changes in our home life here. The dynamic is different. We’re learning more about each other as a new baby, as a mommy to a newborn and a preschooler, and a big brother who just a couple weeks ago was an only child.

Yes, I did wash my hair with body wash when I finally was able to get a shower today {at 5PM, by the way}.

I am pretty sure I’m losing my mind.

And there’s a possibility that tomorrow could be better… could be the same… or could be worse. Who knows?

Pray for us all as we continue to take on the ups and downs of adjusting!

However… I didn’t mention the sweet moments… they were there as well. I am hoping to do better at focusing more on those, instead of the moments that have me wanting to rip my hair out.

For now, both kids are asleep. Who knows how long that will last for the littlest one? I’m enjoying the quiet evening with my husband, making plans in my head for the coming day, knowing that I most likely won’t get to do half the things I want to do… but I can at least attempt them.

Here’s to adjusting… and for quiet evenings no matter how long they happen to last!

Sometimes…

sometimes you just need a band-aid plastered to your forehead …
because you like to play with them, and because … well, why not?

don’t forget to wear your swim outfit too… you know, just because.

Benny and the Summer Day

Don’t you love summer? You know, fresh blueberries, beautiful sunshine, 100+ degree weather that makes you stay inside all day long because you’re afraid you’ll shrivel up if you spend five minutes outside? Am I right or am I right? We’ve had the air blasting for a few days now, and I am pretty sure our a/c is going to love us being out of town for two weeks. I don’t quite remember last summer being this hot, but oh well. That’s just the way things are, I guess. And I’ll not bore you with my fascination with the sun’s solar cycle. {Even though it’s super interesting to geeks like me!}

 

At least it’s not quite as miserable in the shade. So if we do want to get out, we can just lay a blanket out and sit down there, read some clifford books, play with blueberries {as opposed to eating them}, and check out nature.

You just gotta slip on some cool sunnies and soak up the sun.

 

 

Of course… this was last week sometime. And we haven’t really ventured out very recently when the heat index has been unbelievable. Being inside a lot is probably the reason we have been going insane recently. Seriously insane. I know that some of you are friends with me on facebook and saw my status last night about parenting being hard. It has been hard lately but I am hoping that things will start improving with attitudes soon. Today was a good day, and I am thanking God for that!!

Now if only we can get a little relief from this heat!

I am also highly amused by the blog post title… Avett Brothers fans might recognize where I get it from…