I just had a Mountain Dew. I do not regularly consume caffeine, so I'm feeling a little jittery and energized, which would be nice during the day (minus the jittery bit), but now? A little unneeded as it is 12:21AM. Really, really bad timing. I am just hoping I will get to sleep SOMETIME before oh, I don't know, 2AM? Let's shoot for that.
I meant to shampoo all the carpets this week. I just don't have the energy. I had no idea motherhood would take so much out of me, even after I survived the first six weeks. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret it. I love motherhood. I just didn't anticipate this constant fatigue.
It's for a good cause, I suppose I'd say. I mean, the reason I am fatigued is because I do so much to care for my son. So yeah, it's for a good cause. I don't mind that I hardly get time to take care of myself,
really. I may complain about how thin my hair has gotten, but really, I'm not worried about my appearance that much anyway. I've even gotten used to this post-baby pooch that is still lingering (not as bad - and I'm sure if I exercised it would go quicker, but how on earth do I muster up that kind of energy?!). I don't care much that I don't get regular haircuts, or that I haven't dyed or highlighted my hair in so long I can barely recall the last time...
honestly. The mess of baby stuff that clutters nearly every room? I'm slowly chipping away at that one, but I'm in no hurry. I've got more important things to work do, like witness Benjamin learning and playing and growing.
Sure, a lot of that would be nice. But
really, it isn't that important.
Anyway...About 20 minutes ago I had fed Benjamin and he had fallen semi-asleep in my arms, ready to go back to his crib. So I was on my way to put him down and he opened his eyes slightly, so I said, "I love you, baby.." And he smiled a very sleepy, paci-plugged smile at me.
Yeah, that other stuff isn't important.
I love being a mommy.Right now I'd love to be a sleeping mommy, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. Unfortunately.
