it's all worth it

It's strange. No matter how tired I am (and believe me, I am exhausted), and no matter how wonderful it feels to finally close my eyes, if only for a couple of hours (we've been so lucky!)... every time Benjamin wakes me up for a feeding, we spend about an hour feeding and then perhaps diapering (usually), and instead of putting him back down in his bassinet, I just have to hold him for the longest time. There is something about the way he just folds himself up against me that is too sweet and cuddly and warm... I just never want to put him down. I'm usually up an hour longer than I need to be after each feeding. It isn't good, probably. I need my sleep. But I missed a lot of bonding opportunities in the first week, and some in the second also because of my tear and having to recover from that.

It's almost been three weeks, too. My baby is almost three weeks old. And soon he'll be a month old. He already looks so much different from birth. Sure, he isn't walking or talking yet, but he's growing up so fast. The other night he grinned in his sleep and then laughed out loud. Last night I was holding him because he was still awake after a feeding and he grinned at me and "ahh"ed at me. He studies my face a lot more and I think he can recognize me now. I like to think he can, anyway. He's been holding his head up longer on his own. It's too fast! Way too fast!

Being a mommy... it's amazing. I may develop bags under my eyes. I may go a day without putting makeup on or doing my hair (usually this is the case). I may wake up drenched in my own blood (somehow this is normal). I don't care. It's all so very worth it.

And I'm wearing pre-pregnancy pants. Perhaps losing 26lbs in two weeks is a little excessive, perhaps not. My doctor didn't get onto me. But at least wearing a pair of pre-pregnancy pants makes me feel a little better about my new mommy figure. If I can just ignore the paunch!