I know what exhaustion feels like.
It feels like a constant headache that won't go away even with your oxicodone and motrin. It feels so draining. Yeah, I'm drained.
This is what motherhood feels like.
I slept more yesterday than I probably had all week. It felt... different. I'd say it felt good, but it didn't. It felt like I had slept 20 minutes instead of maybe 4 hours. Benjamin was SO fussy last night. He wouldn't sleep all day. He fought it so hard. And we could tell he was so tired. It broke my heart. And we all paid for it. He did sleep last night pretty well though. He slept from around 1:30 to about 6:30. He ate then and went to sleep again until 8 when we pulled him into bed with us. We usually end up doing that every morning just to get a bit more sleep in. He likes being close to us. We like being close to him. So it works out. We got up at 10:20 or so. Yeah, we got more sleep than usual.
And I feel the same. Except this time I have a dull headache.
Right now Benjamin is asleep in his swing. I'm watching him out of the corner of my eye. I don't care that I'm exhausted, when I look at him. It isn't his fault. He just can't communicate. I'm going to have to get used to the lack of sleep. Somehow, I'm ohkay with it. Later, when I'm in tears from sleep deprivation, I won't feel so ohkay with it. But deep down, yeah, it's fine. I'll do whatever it takes to take care of Ben.
He's waking up now. Time to feed in a little while.
How are you really?
2 months ago
