Happy Halloween!

from the cutest ninja and most precious butterfly around!

Clara, you are seven months old!

 

You have done so much this past month that I don’t really know where to start! Well, you went  through your first move as we moved away from Demopolis, and the night we got to Nana and Papaw’s house, you decided to crawl for Papaw. Like, full-on crawling. And now, you are unstoppable! You’re so quiet when you crawl that we have to keep a good watch on you because your favorite thing to do is chew on wires, my little electrician.

You have decided that you don’t want to eat baby food, so we have gone straight into solids and you can’t get enough of it! You love to eat. You wouldn’t know it by looking at you because you’re still a petite little thing, but you do love to eat!

You still don’t like for your hands to be touched and you’re still pretty attached to me, but you’re getting better about that. You laugh a whole lot more lately and we love this! You especially laugh at your silly brother.

We love you, happy girl! You are such a sweet, sweet baby!

Running Toward God

Up until tonight, I have had a hard time dealing with bitterness and anger concerning the situation we’ve been having to deal with for the last two and a half weeks. I have been confused about why this has happened to my family, why God would allow us to face such uncertainty when we have a baby and a 4-year-old to provide for. Who are we to have to leave our home, our friends, our community?

But who am I to think that I should be exempt from any hardships? Who am I to think that my family shouldn’t have to face uncertainties? I am nothing, I am no better than anyone else.

But my God is everything. my God is powerful, my God cares and has told me that He WILL provide (Matthew 6:25-33).

Sometimes we are put in trials and the only thing we can really do is to run toward God. Maybe that is the lesson I’m supposed to take from this, or at least one of them. To run toward God.

The name of the Lord is a strong tower;
the righteous man runs into it and is safe.
Proverbs 18:10

So, up until tonight, I struggled with anger and “why me” and bitterness… but now, how can I be angry? I’m running toward God and what really could be wrong with running toward God? So maybe I should rejoice instead. I’m sad for the friends we are leaving behind. It makes me so incredibly sad to think about  that. But at the same time, I’m rejoicing, because I’m running toward God, and I know He will take care of us. Because He always has.

life… right now.

I am sure that word has gotten around, especially after Carl announced it on Facebook, that we are now in the market for another preaching job and with that of course comes a new home, new community, new friends… you know, a new life basically. Yes, Carl was “relieved of his duties” {that’s a nice way to put it, so we’ll go with that} last Sunday night. No, I really don’t want to go into details … although some of you know already. It came as a total shock and not one of those welcome kind. At the time, we still had O with us and planned on keeping her as long as DHR allowed us to {although we were very certain that wouldn’t be long at all…}.

So to find out, out of the blue, that we were jobless on Sunday night was like having the rug pulled out from underneath us {again}. Obviously by my saying “again” we know that it isn’t the first time that this has happened… although last time it happened, it was a sort of snowball that finally reached us… this time it truly was like a rug being yanked and the first half of this week I felt like I couldn’t pull myself off of the floor.

But you know what? You have to. That’s just life. And unfortunately this kind of thing, this sudden termination, isn’t always unknown in the ministry life, as it were. Unfortunately it happens all the time. Unfortunately we have a lot of preaching friends who can commiserate with us. But, fortunately, a lot of them have assured us that things will work out, that we will get back up again, that we will find somewhere else, and we will be taken care of.

We have a time crunch, though. We were given three weeks. While Carl is searching for a new job and contacting different congregations, I’ve been working hard to  get the house packed up. It’s so hard when I have a six month old and a four year old as well… Good thing I’m an insanely fast packer! At least it does well enough to keep my mind off of things.

I know that things will work out. I want to be real with you, though. It has been really difficult for me to not be bitter and angry about this. I don’t  think it’s right and I don’t think it’s fair, but that’s just how it is sometimes. There is nothing I can do about it, except not let it slow me down too much. And I say “too much” because it does slow me down. I have moments where I am fed up with packing, and fed up with why I’m packing, and wish I could somehow change things.

But I can’t.

I wish I could be like Benjamin and just be excited about a new adventure. Ignorance really is bliss because he is oblivious to the stress that comes along with all of this. He doesn’t know that finding a preaching job sometimes takes a really, really long time. We’ll probably end up living with my parents {again, again} for a little while as we search for our next home. All Benjamin will know is that he gets to spend more time with people who love him, and that’s awesome. He’s excited to be able to meet new people and make new friends and I am so thankful for my upbeat little guy who gives me a new perspective each and every day.

So, yeah. We don’t have a job, and we will soon be leaving this home… and I don’t know where we’ll end up, and that’s scary and terrifying and exciting. And that’s life and life’s good most of the time so I guess what I’m trying to say is

we will be okay.

matthew 6:33 – seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be given unto you

Clara, you are six months old!

Six months… half a year?! Really?! I can’t believe it. Time has flown by! It seems like just yesterday I was holding you in the recovery room at the hospital, crying because you were perfect and everything was wonderful {and I was on meds okay}. There are so many moments in every single day that I wish I could just freeze time for just a little bit, just to live in that moment just one moment longer…

Alas… six months have flown by and you are getting SO BIG. Seriously… although you aren’t crawling fully yet, you are everywhere and into everything you can get your little bitty hands on. Anything on the trays under the coffee table happens to be fair game and I have to pick up stuff you throw all over the floor during the day. Thanks for making me bend over more often. {Did I mention that my back hurts a lot more nowadays?}

You are wearing 6-9 month clothing so I guess you’re pretty average, maybe a little on the smaller side of things but not by much. You’re certainly not as chunky as Benjamin was at six months old, but you know what? I was a petite little baby myself so maybe you just take after mommy.

You love to play! I can put you on the floor with some toys and you just have the time of your life down there exploring your toys. If Benjamin is around, you like to play with him. He makes you laugh and I love the way he can always make you smile. I know you adore him, and guess what? He adores you!

We’ve been experimenting with different foods, but I admit I’ve been a little lazy on all that. You don’t seem to mind, though. You’re happy getting milk and you’re healthy so there’s no reason to worry. You do, however, really like eating small pieces of bread. And yesterday we found out  that you like to gnaw on chicken bones {much to my chagrin, and your daddy’s amusement}.

You’ve got a pretty spunky, silly personality so far. You’re a bit of a mommy’s girl at the moment and sometimes won’t even go to daddy. Girl, we gotta get that changed soon… because my back is hurtin’. Seriously.

It’s kind of funny… you won’t let anyone touch your hands. Except sometimes Benjamin, and sometimes you will let mommy or daddy touch your hands. When people come up to you, they want to touch your soft baby hands and you jerk your hand away like, “Excuse me, no.” I have to explain to them that you do this to everyone, not just them.

Anyway… six more months and you will be a year… so hows about we slow it down a little, aight? Aight.

saying goodbye.

After a long week as parents of three younguns, Carl and I said good-bye to “O” today as we dropped her off to be picked up by another family friend. I didn’t want to. I really, really didn’t want to. My heart has been heavy all day long and I keep wishing she was around to follow me all over the house going, “Mom! Mom! Mom! Whatsa doin? Whatsa doin?” all day long.

We knew that it wouldn’t be forever. It was only ever meant to be temporary. We said goodbye a little sooner than we expected for a multitude of reasons.

Please pray for “O” as she settles into her new home… pray that soon there is stability for her, that she will be happy and healthy and safe where she is.

I sure am gonna miss her.

just a small update

People have been asking, so here’s a small little update to let you know how things are going with O.

We are acclimating to this new adventure as well as we can. We were certainly not prepared to do something like this at this time, but it’s happened and what more can we do but roll with it? We’ve had a lot of outreach and out-pourings of love from those around us and those who aren’t around us physically, and we are so thankful for that. You guys are seriously amazing. I’m so thankful for your love and support and really if it weren’t for such loving, kind friends to encourage us, I don’t know how I’d have made it even this far.

Because this is very emotional. For a child to be taken from her mother, it has to be serious, and this is definitely serious. It is heartbreaking to witness this first-hand, and to have to have an inside look at something so sad. I don’t think I will ever know 100% what it is like to be a foster parent, to take on that role for many different children who could stay for a day or months, but so far we have been given the opportunity to experience it to some degree.

It gives me newfound respect for those who willingly choose this, who go through all the preparation and the home inspections and wake up in the middle of the night as a new child is brought to their door. It takes strong people. It takes people with big hearts ready to love a child who could leave at any moment.

To really get a feel for the life of a foster family, I encourage you to check out my friend Meghan’s blog (that’s a link). It’s been so helpful to me this past week. It’s encouraging and touching and moving, sometimes heartbreaking, a love-driven journey.

In terms of how O is doing… she’s having a lot of fun playing with all the toys here. She is a polite little girl who is so very sweet and likes to help. You can tell, though, she’s never really had much stability. Hopefully this short time she’s with us will be a good time for her, though.

We only really have trouble when she doesn’t get her way, but that’s kind of the same with most children, isn’t it?

Anyway, that’s all I can really do in terms of updating right now. There’s more going on, but right now I don’t really feel like talking about it just yet. Please continue praying for us all!