Ready.

I went outside to spend some time by myself, to talk to God and to refocus. I had been feeling really bummed out this week so far and it is not something I am used to being like and I didn’t like it. I’m just not a depressed/depressing person. So feeling like this really knocked me down. The devil I am sure was getting to me. Making me doubt and worry.

Spending that quality time with God, giving Him my worries, letting Him know how I was feeling… it helped. Have you ever just sat down and just spilled your heart out before God? I had a good phone conversation last week with one of my dearest and best friends Kara and we talked about this. It is so rare that I ever get a chance in my daily life to really pour my heart out to God – and I need it! I need to do this more often and I am sure I wouldn’t get into such a funk as I was yesterday.

After really laying all my cards on the table, I realized something. Maybe what I was worried about all this time is whether or not I’m ready. Am I ready to move so far away from all my friends and family? Am I really ready to get back in the game after being so burnt the first time? You know all this time I have been feeling like being the “benchwarmer” (I don’t mean this as in my relationship with God or Christ so please don’t take it this way), and kind of hoping that God would just let us stay on the bench a little longer before putting us back out on the field.

It doesn’t work that way. God is calling the shots here. I need to stop worrying about when I think I’m ready. I need to think more about when God thinks I am ready.

Guess what?

I’m ready.

I am so ready to be a part of God’s plan. I am so ready for a clean slate, for a new place to live, for new friends and new possibilities. I’m ready to experience new things and learn and grow. I’m ready to be useful where God needs me. I’m ready to follow my husband wherever he feels is best for our family. I’m ready to Skype my parents and I’m ready to decorate and entertain in a new house. A fresh start.

I needed a change of attitude this week. A better way to look at things. Instead of looking at the negative, like not knowing when I’ll see my family and friends again, I needed to look at the positive and all the possibilities out there for me and for my family. It’s a chance to grow where I may not have ever had a chance to grow had we not given our lives to the Ministry. A chance to experience more. A chance to make more connections and friendships and bonds.

A chance to expand our family (in the future – this is by no means any sort of announcement HA!), a chance to grow as a family.

I’m ready. God already knew this. Sometimes it just takes me a while to catch on.