zonk.

One month olds can really wear you out.

And I have 9 pounds left of my pregnancy weight. Not that I want to lose it all. I was underweight to begin with. Oh well.

Statement on Comment Moderation

Concerning any spiritual post I make or anything I may say regarding my beliefs:

I reserve the right, as the owner of this blog, to blog about what I wish and to talk about what I believe when I feel compelled to do so. You are not obligated to agree with me, nor are you obligated to read if you do not wish to do so. You don't have to comment and defend yourself if you don't feel like doing so. I always leave my blog posts up for discussion, providing it is done in a calm, Christian-like manner with love as the motive. I do not like to be ranted at and "bashed" on my own blog, and I reserve the right to delete any comment that I wish.

If you were to post a religious post on your blog, and I happened to disagree with you - I would not come in swinging if I were to come in at all. I only ask the same consideration from you.

Thank you.

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Please do not steal my photographs or content. If you wish to use something, please email me at bringingupbenjamin@yahoo.com.

Thank you!

Meet My Boys

Hubby is 22, almost 23, and is a fantastic gospel preacher. We met on the internet, if you can believe that, and after a couple of weeks we knew we wanted to get married. I chalk it up to God's providence. God is so good! We have struggled through so many things already in only two years so far of marriage and through Him we have been able to overcome! It isn't easy for us as young parents, but we are doing the best we can!

Hubby is a first class nerd, and knows it. In fact, I think he likes it. He's a gadget geek and really good with computers. He's really tall, too. Don't believe me? He's 6'6"! Yeah, he comes in handy when I want to get things off of the top shelf. :)

He is encouraging and level-headed. He isn't perfect, but who is? We are both growing and learning together.

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Benjamin is our One-Year-Old son, who was born January 2009. He is precious and silly and has the most beautiful blue eyes, just like his daddy! He likes to dance and "sing" and likes to sing his Bible songs. He loves dogs. The Wiggles keep him entertained a lot, and he also likes to run laps around the room with his best friend Mariah.

We have been so blessed as parents to know our son and watch him grow. He is such a joy to us and a shining light. God has really been good to us!!

I'm a mommy so...

I know what exhaustion feels like.

It feels like a constant headache that won't go away even with your oxicodone and motrin. It feels so draining. Yeah, I'm drained.

This is what motherhood feels like.

I slept more yesterday than I probably had all week. It felt... different. I'd say it felt good, but it didn't. It felt like I had slept 20 minutes instead of maybe 4 hours. Benjamin was SO fussy last night. He wouldn't sleep all day. He fought it so hard. And we could tell he was so tired. It broke my heart. And we all paid for it. He did sleep last night pretty well though. He slept from around 1:30 to about 6:30. He ate then and went to sleep again until 8 when we pulled him into bed with us. We usually end up doing that every morning just to get a bit more sleep in. He likes being close to us. We like being close to him. So it works out. We got up at 10:20 or so. Yeah, we got more sleep than usual.

And I feel the same. Except this time I have a dull headache.

Right now Benjamin is asleep in his swing. I'm watching him out of the corner of my eye. I don't care that I'm exhausted, when I look at him. It isn't his fault. He just can't communicate. I'm going to have to get used to the lack of sleep. Somehow, I'm ohkay with it. Later, when I'm in tears from sleep deprivation, I won't feel so ohkay with it. But deep down, yeah, it's fine. I'll do whatever it takes to take care of Ben.

He's waking up now. Time to feed in a little while.

it's all worth it

It's strange. No matter how tired I am (and believe me, I am exhausted), and no matter how wonderful it feels to finally close my eyes, if only for a couple of hours (we've been so lucky!)... every time Benjamin wakes me up for a feeding, we spend about an hour feeding and then perhaps diapering (usually), and instead of putting him back down in his bassinet, I just have to hold him for the longest time. There is something about the way he just folds himself up against me that is too sweet and cuddly and warm... I just never want to put him down. I'm usually up an hour longer than I need to be after each feeding. It isn't good, probably. I need my sleep. But I missed a lot of bonding opportunities in the first week, and some in the second also because of my tear and having to recover from that.

It's almost been three weeks, too. My baby is almost three weeks old. And soon he'll be a month old. He already looks so much different from birth. Sure, he isn't walking or talking yet, but he's growing up so fast. The other night he grinned in his sleep and then laughed out loud. Last night I was holding him because he was still awake after a feeding and he grinned at me and "ahh"ed at me. He studies my face a lot more and I think he can recognize me now. I like to think he can, anyway. He's been holding his head up longer on his own. It's too fast! Way too fast!

Being a mommy... it's amazing. I may develop bags under my eyes. I may go a day without putting makeup on or doing my hair (usually this is the case). I may wake up drenched in my own blood (somehow this is normal). I don't care. It's all so very worth it.

And I'm wearing pre-pregnancy pants. Perhaps losing 26lbs in two weeks is a little excessive, perhaps not. My doctor didn't get onto me. But at least wearing a pair of pre-pregnancy pants makes me feel a little better about my new mommy figure. If I can just ignore the paunch!

another wasted day, kinda.

the day we got home... :)

So I went to the ER for no good reason today. They sent me to my OB/GYN and it turns out the massive bleeding I was experiencing upon waking up is normal. Better safe than sorry! Anyway, tonight Benjamin takes his first bath at home. I am excited! I'll likely have pictures. I doubt he will enjoy it because he is rather modest and does not enjoy nakedness.

I'm going to be taking it easy the next few days. Perhaps you'll hear more from me.