perfect timing.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you have something weighing heavily on your mind and then all of the sudden, something someone says or does, or perhaps something you see, is exactly what you needed at that very moment?

This just happened to me.

I had seriously opened up Windows Live Writer to write a blog post to open up a bit about how my PTSD/depression had been “treating me” lately.

It’s better than before, most of the time. I get up and take my antidepressant every day {I think… I’m so tired that some days I can’t remember whether or not I’ve taken it} and can’t help but feel a little resentful toward that little pill for having to “rely” on it to be able to function. When it was prescribed to me, I felt the same way… defeated and irritated at myself for having to take medication for something I didn’t fully understand, and still don’t sometimes.

But there are times when my anxiety gets the better of me, still. It makes me feel a little over protective of Clara, especially in the evenings when she is extra fussy. Her crying makes my anxiety spike a bit and I admit that pretty much every night, I will end up in tears myself because the anxiety is overwhelming.

I think I’ve sort of closed in on myself again. The focus isn’t on me, it’s on Clara, and my problems just have to be tucked away until there’s a more ‘convenient’ time to deal with them. I know I shouldn’t do this. I know it only makes it worse. Dealing with this makes me feel so isolated, like nobody understands me. It’s hard when you feel like you have to fight something alone, when a lot of days it feels bigger than you.

Which brings me around to what I was talking about earlier, coming across something at the right time. I was looking on Facebook {as Clara was crying and making my anxiety spike just a little more} and came across an image with this caption: “Are you discouraged or feeling alone? Please know you never out of God's sight. (Psalm 139:3) God loves you.”

 

I needed that tonight. I’m not as isolated as I think, and God is way bigger than my anxieties and setbacks. He’s way bigger than that little pill and I rely on Him, not it.

Sometimes I lose sight of this, but thank God He never loses sight of me.