blessed.

Last night, I was going through some old videos that I had uploaded and couldn’t help but to linger on the ones of Benjamin when he was a little toddler. I can’t believe how quickly time has passed by… how it feels like only yesterday he was toting around his stuffed Eeyore, watching Blues Clues, and snuggling with me in the mornings. Now, he’s toting around a bug net, watching Transformers, and going off to pre-school in the mornings! It’s hard to believe that my little pudgy-faced Benjamin is really getting to be a big boy… soon the dimples in his hands will be gone and he won’t need any help in the bathroom, he’ll take showers by himself, and then he’ll be taller than me…

I never knew how blessed my life would be when I had Benjamin. I never knew how much love my heart could hold, how I would feel like crying when his little arm wrapped around mine as he cuddled me on the couch. I never knew how much it would mean to me to hear, “Mom, I love you” throughout the day or get those random hugs and kisses.

God has truly blessed me with Benjamin… I am so incredibly blessed to be his mommy…

And now I’m going to share some chocolate cake with my sweet boy.

“Mom, does it have eggs in it?”
”No, it sure doesn’t!”
”I like chocolate cake!”

Pre-School

A couple of weeks ago, I told my dad that parenting was so stressful because you have to make decisions for another human being and there’s not always a clear cut answer as to whether it is the right decision or not… and then, when they’re older, you have to let go and trust them to make their own decisions, whether they be right or wrong. I was stressing because I knew that soon, Benjamin would be starting Pre-School, even if only for four hours a day.

If you had asked Carl or me at the beginning of this year whether or not we were sending Benjamin to public school, we would have answered that we were planning on Homeschooling, and I would have added that I was very excited to embark on that adventure with Benjamin, and then a few years later, Clara.

But, things have changed. I examined myself and realized there were some reasons I was homeschooling that did not have anything to do with my child and his well-being. I had allowed myself to be swayed by others, by their scruples, instead of coming to my own conclusion.

Truth be told, the environment here has a lot to do with our decision to send Benjamin to public school. I was pleasantly surprised when the football teams last Friday night at the high school all huddled up together after the game and had a prayer. Out there. In public. In front of everyone. It was impressive that they weren’t discouraged from doing so. The school system is a good one. We know plenty of the teachers who are members of the church. We know plenty of the students. We plan on being as involved as we are able.

We plan on encouraging Benjamin to be a shining light to others as he goes out to school. This was another thing that swayed me toward public school. We had friends whose son brought boys from school to church several times. I want to give Benjamin the opportunity to do this, because I think it’s something he’d be really great at, seeing as he is so friendly and enjoys making new friends.

There are several other reasons, but I actually didn’t start writing this blog to go on a tangent about that… I actually wanted to say that our first week at WEE school was awesome and Benjamin had a great time! He loved it! He loves his teacher and loves his new friends. Today he came home with a piece of candy that he got out of the prize box because his schoolbus didn’t get moved off of the green light all week!

I’m so proud of him and excited for him. I have saved the papers he’s brought home each day in a folder… including the envelopes with pictures he has drawn me or “letters” he has written me. It’s nice to know that even while he is away at school, he is thinking of me. It sort of makes me tear up every time he brings an envelope to me with “Mommy” written on the front and a stamp drawn in the corner.

I pray every night that Carl and I have made the right decision, and I don’t know if we will ever know for sure… but right now I’m happy that we are able to send Benjamin to WEE school. If you would, please pray for Benjamin. This is an exciting and new experience for him… and I pray, and hope you will too, that he will let his light shine around others.

Clara, you are five months old!

Nope, I refuse to believe that you are already 5 months old! How did this happen!? I blinked and then all of the sudden you are so, so big! I’m so proud of you for all you have accomplished in a month! You are a growing girl and you are so ready to move along with your brother. I watch you watch him and I know you want to do exactly what he does.

This month, you have sprouted two little teeth! One was noticed on Sunday and the second one popped through on Wednesday! I’m pretty sure you willed them to pop out because you kept getting mad watching us eat and us not sharing with you. Speaking of eating, we have started you on solids! So far you like avocado, carrots, sweet potatoes, and bananas and you dislike squash. You sometimes like to grab the spoon and help feed you, and sometimes you yell in between bites because we don’t get it to your mouth fast enough!

You constantly make me smile with all your sweet little expressions. They are never ending! You have such a beautiful smile and I love to see your face light up when I sing to you or when we play. You also love your daddy and your brother and I love to see your eyes just light up around them. You are so loved, Clara Grace! You are such a special little girl!

You have been sleeping through the night for a few weeks now, and that makes mama so happy! Thank you, baby girl! It took your brother a long time to get to that point so this makes me extremely thankful! You sleep in your own crib in your own room, although we have to pack pillows on your sides because you roll everywhere and wake yourself up. You are a mover and you won’t be stopped! In fact, over this past weekend, you decided it was time to learn how to crawl! You aren’t crawling just yet, but you are up on your knees and rocking, and you move backwards. You gotta learn how to shift gears instead of being stuck in reverse!

We love you, baby girl! You are such a joy in our lives and I can’t wait to see you learn even more this next month… no matter how much I’d also love to freeze time and keep you small for a little while longer! You are precious to me!

to my best friend

These past six years have been fun and awesome! We have two beautiful children and every time I look at them, I am reminded of how much I absolutely love you! I fall more and more in love with you each and every day.

I don’t know how to put into words how much you mean to me. This past year especially has been one that I don’t think I’d have been able to make through without you. I don’t know how it is that you are able to be so patient with me and understanding through all my trials, but you continually support me and do your best to understand what I’m going through. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you stand by me when things get tough. I know things have been tough on you as well and I am so thankful that you are committed to fighting my battles with me.

You complete me. You’re my better half. You’re my best friend. You’re my main and only squeeze. You’re my everything. Aw yeah.

For taking care of our family…
For listening to me when I need an ear…
For being there when I need a shoulder to cry on…
For making me laugh till my stomach aches…
For challenging me to be a better person…
For loving our children…
For loving me…
… Unconditionally!
For inspiring me and encouraging me…
For taking the trash out…
For folding laundry…
For cleaning up dishes…
For helping pick up around the house…
For running errands…
For taking time out of your day for all of us…
For enduring my craziness…
For standing by me…
For holding me up…
For listening…
For your godly example…
For making me feel loved…
And for so, so many more things…

Thank you.

I just love being married to you.

And when I see you, I still hear trumpets.

{Click here: This is for you.}

motherhood

Motherhood is unwashed hair until the kids are in bed.
It’s the bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep.
It’s the stretchmarks across your belly or the loose skin you’d like to tighten.
It’s the heavy eyelids, the lack of makeup, the unmatched socks.

Motherhood is the midnight feedings… and the two a.m. and the four a.m. and the six a.m.
It’s the rocking back and forth until your own body aches.
It’s walking the floor with a screaming, teething baby, who can’t sleep.
It’s bending over a crib over and over to soothe her back to sleep.

Motherhood is smelling like spit-up 24 hours a day.
It’s changing diapers and washing laundry seemingly around the clock.
It’s crying when you’re both sleep deprived.
It’s running on empty most of the time.

Motherhood is first smiles, and first laughs.
It’s counting ten fingers over and over during every midnight feeding.
It’s kissing soft cheeks and stroking downy hair.
It’s gentle coos and soft giggles.

Motherhood is paying attention to all the firsts.
It’s taking way too many pictures.
It’s cherishing the little things and the fleeting moments.
It’s holding onto every breath and every flutter of the eyelashes.

Motherhood is disciplining when you really don’t want to.
It’s wiping tears when feelings are hurt.
It’s cuddling after a bad dream.
It’s one more song, or one more story.

Motherhood is kissing boo-boos and placing band-aids.
It’s wiping fingerprints and tracked-in dirt.
It’s cleaning spills and washing faces.
It’s mopping up the bathwater that got splashed out of the tub.

Motherhood is mosquito bites because you’re outside late into the evening.
It’s going on adventures in the back yard.
It’s finding teachable moments and using them well.
It’s singing Jesus Loves Me over and over and over.

Motherhood is making mistakes and learning from them.
It’s heartache and joy one moment after another.

Motherhood is a blessing.

It’s so perfect in it’s imperfections.

my first hate mail.

Today marks another first in my book.

Today I received my first ever hate mail. It wasn’t actually mailed to me. Instead, it was handed to me. The person who had written the hate mail then stepped back and watched me read it, probably watching my face to gauge my reaction. Although I had been having a pretty blue morning to begin with {I do still have those days as I battle my depression}, I feel like I handled myself okay {although it did still hurt to receive such a note}.

Why, you ask, would I ever receive a piece of hate mail?

Well, because I told Benjamin he could not have a piece of gum.

Once he handed this note to me, I told him, “Well, that doesn’t seem very nice…” and handed it back to him. He looked at me for a moment before thinking better of his hate mail and crumpled it up, and threw it in the kitchen trash can. A little bit later, he came back into the living room with a fresh piece of paper and told me, “I’m going to write a nice letter now…”

That made me feel better.

While it really did hurt my heart when it happened {isn’t that strange, how something like that can really make you feel sad, even though you know they don’t really mean it? … motherhood can break your heart sometimes!}, it’s really actually super hilarious and I just had to share.

I’m glad that Benjamin is able to convey his feelings… and impressed that he can spell! But I’m also glad that he knew when he was being ugly and knew he needed to change his attitude.

Just another little glimpse into our life…

 
 
 

Love my goofy, emotional boy!

Clara, you are four months old!

Dear sweet Clara, another month has flown by and we have seen an incredible amount of changes in you since last month! I’m so proud of how much you’re learning and all the new things you’re doing. I know that you are watching your big brother and want to do things like him, and so I know you’re eager to be big! You seem so proud of yourself when you accomplish something that you’ve been practicing! Mommy and daddy and Benjamin are proud of you, too!

I love how much you love your brother. It is just so sweet how you look at him and smile at him when he talks to you, and how you watch him whenever he is around. I can tell that you adore him completely and I hope that you two grow up to be close, in spite of the age gap. It warms my heart how much you love each other already!!

This past month, you got to spend a lot of time with a lot of different family members who we don’t get to see very often and it was a lot of fun. You took your very first trip to South Carolina to visit Mimi and Granddaddy Bob, and you met your Great-Aunt Debbie and cousins Josh, Tyler, and Tori. We also saw Nana, Papaw, Uncle Steven, Aunt Melanie, Andma, and Uncle Preston! It was a super busy month!

You’ve picked up and mastered a lot of new skills this month, including rolling over both ways, holding yourself up on straight arms, babbling, grasping, laughing, bringing things up to your mouth, and other little things! You love to play and you enjoy the little toys you can play with right now, and you love to be read to. You like to look at pictures in books. This makes your bookworm parents happy!

You had your first train ride this month, too! You were so good and you slept almost  the entire nearly 6 hour ride! Wow! You were super glad to be home to daddy when we got home, though.

Last night, I packed up the pack n play that you had been sleeping in pretty much since you came home from the hospital, sans a few nights in the beginning. It has left our room a lot emptier and it makes me a little sad for you to move into your own room, but I’m happy that you’ve made the transition easily!

We love you so much, sweet girl! We can’t wait to see what you’re doing in another month!