life… right now.

I am sure that word has gotten around, especially after Carl announced it on Facebook, that we are now in the market for another preaching job and with that of course comes a new home, new community, new friends… you know, a new life basically. Yes, Carl was “relieved of his duties” {that’s a nice way to put it, so we’ll go with that} last Sunday night. No, I really don’t want to go into details … although some of you know already. It came as a total shock and not one of those welcome kind. At the time, we still had O with us and planned on keeping her as long as DHR allowed us to {although we were very certain that wouldn’t be long at all…}.

So to find out, out of the blue, that we were jobless on Sunday night was like having the rug pulled out from underneath us {again}. Obviously by my saying “again” we know that it isn’t the first time that this has happened… although last time it happened, it was a sort of snowball that finally reached us… this time it truly was like a rug being yanked and the first half of this week I felt like I couldn’t pull myself off of the floor.

But you know what? You have to. That’s just life. And unfortunately this kind of thing, this sudden termination, isn’t always unknown in the ministry life, as it were. Unfortunately it happens all the time. Unfortunately we have a lot of preaching friends who can commiserate with us. But, fortunately, a lot of them have assured us that things will work out, that we will get back up again, that we will find somewhere else, and we will be taken care of.

We have a time crunch, though. We were given three weeks. While Carl is searching for a new job and contacting different congregations, I’ve been working hard to  get the house packed up. It’s so hard when I have a six month old and a four year old as well… Good thing I’m an insanely fast packer! At least it does well enough to keep my mind off of things.

I know that things will work out. I want to be real with you, though. It has been really difficult for me to not be bitter and angry about this. I don’t  think it’s right and I don’t think it’s fair, but that’s just how it is sometimes. There is nothing I can do about it, except not let it slow me down too much. And I say “too much” because it does slow me down. I have moments where I am fed up with packing, and fed up with why I’m packing, and wish I could somehow change things.

But I can’t.

I wish I could be like Benjamin and just be excited about a new adventure. Ignorance really is bliss because he is oblivious to the stress that comes along with all of this. He doesn’t know that finding a preaching job sometimes takes a really, really long time. We’ll probably end up living with my parents {again, again} for a little while as we search for our next home. All Benjamin will know is that he gets to spend more time with people who love him, and that’s awesome. He’s excited to be able to meet new people and make new friends and I am so thankful for my upbeat little guy who gives me a new perspective each and every day.

So, yeah. We don’t have a job, and we will soon be leaving this home… and I don’t know where we’ll end up, and that’s scary and terrifying and exciting. And that’s life and life’s good most of the time so I guess what I’m trying to say is

we will be okay.

matthew 6:33 – seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be given unto you

Clara, you are six months old!

Six months… half a year?! Really?! I can’t believe it. Time has flown by! It seems like just yesterday I was holding you in the recovery room at the hospital, crying because you were perfect and everything was wonderful {and I was on meds okay}. There are so many moments in every single day that I wish I could just freeze time for just a little bit, just to live in that moment just one moment longer…

Alas… six months have flown by and you are getting SO BIG. Seriously… although you aren’t crawling fully yet, you are everywhere and into everything you can get your little bitty hands on. Anything on the trays under the coffee table happens to be fair game and I have to pick up stuff you throw all over the floor during the day. Thanks for making me bend over more often. {Did I mention that my back hurts a lot more nowadays?}

You are wearing 6-9 month clothing so I guess you’re pretty average, maybe a little on the smaller side of things but not by much. You’re certainly not as chunky as Benjamin was at six months old, but you know what? I was a petite little baby myself so maybe you just take after mommy.

You love to play! I can put you on the floor with some toys and you just have the time of your life down there exploring your toys. If Benjamin is around, you like to play with him. He makes you laugh and I love the way he can always make you smile. I know you adore him, and guess what? He adores you!

We’ve been experimenting with different foods, but I admit I’ve been a little lazy on all that. You don’t seem to mind, though. You’re happy getting milk and you’re healthy so there’s no reason to worry. You do, however, really like eating small pieces of bread. And yesterday we found out  that you like to gnaw on chicken bones {much to my chagrin, and your daddy’s amusement}.

You’ve got a pretty spunky, silly personality so far. You’re a bit of a mommy’s girl at the moment and sometimes won’t even go to daddy. Girl, we gotta get that changed soon… because my back is hurtin’. Seriously.

It’s kind of funny… you won’t let anyone touch your hands. Except sometimes Benjamin, and sometimes you will let mommy or daddy touch your hands. When people come up to you, they want to touch your soft baby hands and you jerk your hand away like, “Excuse me, no.” I have to explain to them that you do this to everyone, not just them.

Anyway… six more months and you will be a year… so hows about we slow it down a little, aight? Aight.

saying goodbye.

After a long week as parents of three younguns, Carl and I said good-bye to “O” today as we dropped her off to be picked up by another family friend. I didn’t want to. I really, really didn’t want to. My heart has been heavy all day long and I keep wishing she was around to follow me all over the house going, “Mom! Mom! Mom! Whatsa doin? Whatsa doin?” all day long.

We knew that it wouldn’t be forever. It was only ever meant to be temporary. We said goodbye a little sooner than we expected for a multitude of reasons.

Please pray for “O” as she settles into her new home… pray that soon there is stability for her, that she will be happy and healthy and safe where she is.

I sure am gonna miss her.

just a small update

People have been asking, so here’s a small little update to let you know how things are going with O.

We are acclimating to this new adventure as well as we can. We were certainly not prepared to do something like this at this time, but it’s happened and what more can we do but roll with it? We’ve had a lot of outreach and out-pourings of love from those around us and those who aren’t around us physically, and we are so thankful for that. You guys are seriously amazing. I’m so thankful for your love and support and really if it weren’t for such loving, kind friends to encourage us, I don’t know how I’d have made it even this far.

Because this is very emotional. For a child to be taken from her mother, it has to be serious, and this is definitely serious. It is heartbreaking to witness this first-hand, and to have to have an inside look at something so sad. I don’t think I will ever know 100% what it is like to be a foster parent, to take on that role for many different children who could stay for a day or months, but so far we have been given the opportunity to experience it to some degree.

It gives me newfound respect for those who willingly choose this, who go through all the preparation and the home inspections and wake up in the middle of the night as a new child is brought to their door. It takes strong people. It takes people with big hearts ready to love a child who could leave at any moment.

To really get a feel for the life of a foster family, I encourage you to check out my friend Meghan’s blog (that’s a link). It’s been so helpful to me this past week. It’s encouraging and touching and moving, sometimes heartbreaking, a love-driven journey.

In terms of how O is doing… she’s having a lot of fun playing with all the toys here. She is a polite little girl who is so very sweet and likes to help. You can tell, though, she’s never really had much stability. Hopefully this short time she’s with us will be a good time for her, though.

We only really have trouble when she doesn’t get her way, but that’s kind of the same with most children, isn’t it?

Anyway, that’s all I can really do in terms of updating right now. There’s more going on, but right now I don’t really feel like talking about it just yet. Please continue praying for us all!

my benjamin

Silly, goofy, funny

Cute, lovable, entertaining

Handsome, sweet, caring

My happy Benjamin.

& Now for something completely different…

Carl and I have once more embarked on a new and different adventure in parenting, and no, this is not a pregnancy announcement.

Because a situation arose that needed immediate care, Carl and I have become voluntary foster parents. A woman who had been visiting the congregation for a while now got into a serious situation in which her daughter, who will be 3 in November, had to be removed from the living situation. To avoid her going directly into the “System”, of which I know absolutely nothing, her mother named us to DHR to see if we would be willing to take the girl (we’ll call her O for privacy issues).

It happened Monday afternoon. Clara and I were hanging out in the living room while Carl and Benjamin ran to get groceries at Wal-Mart when there came a knock on the kitchen door. Can you imagine my shock when I open up to a police officer? Once the DHR case worker came up and explained the situation, and asked if we’d be willing to take temporary physical custody of the girl, I could not say no.

We couldn’t get ahold of Carl during this time because there is no service in Wal-Mart (which is absolutely irritating). so here I am at my dining room table with a tearful mother, a cop, and a DHR case worker going over details. I sent him a text message: “You need to come home NOW” and after a bit, he called that he was on his way home and I explained very briefly, “DHR is here with O…”

Later I apologized to Carl because I hadn’t waited for him to say that we would, but he felt  the same way that I did. She needed a good home immediately and we had one.

We don’t know how long she’ll be with us. Because the situation is a serious one, it could be quite a long time. Because we don’t have unlimited finances, and because we already have Benjamin and Clara, we may not be able to keep her here for as long as she is away from her mother. But for right now, she is here with us and she is being taken care of.

I’m now asking you all to please pray with us. Carl and I have not had any sort of training in this area. We’ve never taken any fostering classes. We had no idea what to expect at all. Of course, we have been parents for nearly five years, and that’s the experience we can claim, but this is different.

But I don’t think anything could prepare anyone for the hour and a half spent trying to soothe a sobbing toddler who is crying that she wants her mommy.

I have never felt so heartbroken in my life.

And, I have never felt so humbled by the love and support that our friends and family have shown us as we embark on this new and challenging journey. We truly love each and every one of you. For those who have reached out in whatever way already, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

Please, please pray for all of us in this situation.

Benjamin and O during Bible time.

blessed.

Last night, I was going through some old videos that I had uploaded and couldn’t help but to linger on the ones of Benjamin when he was a little toddler. I can’t believe how quickly time has passed by… how it feels like only yesterday he was toting around his stuffed Eeyore, watching Blues Clues, and snuggling with me in the mornings. Now, he’s toting around a bug net, watching Transformers, and going off to pre-school in the mornings! It’s hard to believe that my little pudgy-faced Benjamin is really getting to be a big boy… soon the dimples in his hands will be gone and he won’t need any help in the bathroom, he’ll take showers by himself, and then he’ll be taller than me…

I never knew how blessed my life would be when I had Benjamin. I never knew how much love my heart could hold, how I would feel like crying when his little arm wrapped around mine as he cuddled me on the couch. I never knew how much it would mean to me to hear, “Mom, I love you” throughout the day or get those random hugs and kisses.

God has truly blessed me with Benjamin… I am so incredibly blessed to be his mommy…

And now I’m going to share some chocolate cake with my sweet boy.

“Mom, does it have eggs in it?”
”No, it sure doesn’t!”
”I like chocolate cake!”