‘tudes.

A little bit about myself: I sometimes have a ‘tude problem.

It’s something that lately I have been trying so very hard to control and oh wow, it is so difficult sometimes! You know that saying you sometimes see on church signs along the road, “Too Blessed to be Stressed”? I would so love to say that this is my attitude all the time, but you know what? It isn’t. I SO wish I had zero stress. Even in tough situations, I know that the situations could be tougher. And yet I allow stress to seep into my life and it is so debilitating at times.

Attitudes can really, really mess up your day. They set the mood for entire families, sometimes. I notice that when I am feeling more irritable, so is Benjamin and sometimes, so is Carl. It makes it harder not to go at someone’s throat at the smallest thing.

I’m not the only one who has been struggling with attitudes lately, though. I was reminded today that next month someone in particular is turning two and I think Benjamin is feeling this as well. I used to think that terrible two’s were a myth, and perhaps they aren’t as terrible for one person as they are the next, but Benjamin is starting to push his boundaries. The word “No” is said like a bajillion times a day, and each and every time I just want to pull my hair out. There, I said it. I admit that lately I have really felt like I was literally going crazy. I am clinging desperately to any shred of sanity I may have left on some days!

I know I’m not the only mother who has ever felt this way. I know that this sort of craziness is not new! This all being wrapped up with the current stresses of being jobless and living with parents and money not magically replenishing itself in the bank account (what is UP with that?!) is just ---- ahhh, it’s driving me nuts!

Most days, I definitely need an attitude check.

Check one: Job. I am sure you all probably know the account of Job in the Old Testament about how he lost everything besides his own life and the life of his wife and friends. His children, his livestock, his livelihood, everything… gone.

Check two: Paul the Apostle. “Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness.” 2 Corinthians 11:25-27 – I think that speaks for itself right there.

Check three: the most important check of all: Jesus Christ our Lord, who carried MY burden to calvary and died on the cross for ME. What more can I say???

I know that we are all allowed our times of emotions, but whenever it gets out of hand, whenever my attitude is way out of line, I do those checks, and sometimes more. Today when we took the car through a car wash and then had water pour on top of me from the overhead light, I at first felt like SNAPPING because of the car dealership and stuff I won’t get into – but then I reminded myself that it could be worse. There are people in other countries who would gladly take a car that was barely running – what right do I have to complain? There are people who find bicycles a precious commodity and a rarity – what right do I have to complain about a little water?

I come to find that my attitude problems often come from things in my life blown way out of proportion. Benjamin entering the “terrible two’s”? Not as big a deal as I sometimes make it out to be. It’s natural, and with time he will catch on to how it all works out in our family. It’s all a learning process.

So I’m learning. I have such a patient husband who is not only patient with Benjamin, but patient with ME! and sometimes I know I’m worse than terrible two’s! I’m learning, and prayerfully. And trying to make that also joyfully.

Just for a little levity (and to draw attention away from the snot on my son’s face), today in an attempt to divert Benjamin from a terrible two’s moment, I made him two coloring books (one a Bible book and one a Christmas book). He was SO excited. So I went off to make the bed and came back in to find him merrily coloring away, laying on his belly. He looked up at me and said, “Mama!” and grinned at me. I said, “Hi Ben! Are you having a good time?” He smiled cheekily and said, “No!” with all the cheerfulness in the world. I laughed. “I’m sorry to hear that.” I said. I love him dearly. I did tell you “No” was the most frequent word out of his mouth. But sometimes he can say it in the cutest of ways that it certainly cannot drive me crazy.