always my baby.

In all the excitement of adding another limb to our family tree, I sometimes take a step back and look at my son, my first born, and wonder where the time went. It feels like ages ago since he was born – probably because of all the things we have gone through since then including the traumatic birth, having to leave a job, moving twice, and everything else that comes with our crazy, never-dull life. And yet, it also seems like just yesterday that I was kissing my sweet newborn, falling instantly in love with his precious button nose and his tiny fingers and toes.

There’s a book I’m sure you’ve all heard of or read, that has the phrase in it, “As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.” Sometimes it takes experiencing motherhood to understand certain things, and that is one of them. No matter how old Benjamin gets, he is still my baby.

Sweet Benjamin, with his tender heart and his goofy personality… I know a lot of the memories we have made in the past won’t be remembered by him in the future, but I’ll remember them, and I’ll cherish every single one of them. How amazing is it that our hearts can love so fully, over and over again? I have had my fair share of headaches brought on by his craziness, but at the end of the day, I kiss him goodnight and he is as precious as can be, no matter the kind of day we’ve had.

It’s so fun to watch him learn new things, and so fun to see how excited he is when he learns something new that makes him more of a big boy. One of these days, he won’t need us to help him get going on his bike, or he won’t need us to hold his hand while he roller skates. He won’t need us to pour him drinks or help him brush his teeth {he’s already doing that on his own a lot of nights}. He won’t care to have two stories read to him, and he won’t want the extra hug and kiss as he snuggles in for bed.

But I’ll still remember all the goofy smiles and the warm hugs and sweet kisses. I’ll remember his sweet little voice and the way he laces his fingers with mine to hold his hand when we’re sitting together. I’ll remember him bursting into our room at 7AM to come snuggle in bed, wrapping his arms around my neck, or him asking if we can go cuddle in mommy’s bed {I can never, ever say no to that}. He may not remember it all, but I will. And I’m so glad. What would I do without these precious memories?

God has blessed me so richly… I am so thankful.

one more week.

38 weeks pregnant and we are still hanging in there! I meant to update after our appointment on Wednesday but never got the chance. We were disappointed to find out that all this contracting has done diddly squat but made me uncomfortable. Believe me, I don’t *want* an early baby {39 weeks is early enough} but these contractions are just starting to get annoying, especially knowing that they aren’t doing anything to change my cervix. Ah well, it is what it is.

This photo was taken on Wednesday before my appointment. This morning, however, I woke up and my stomach looked a lot smaller. The only thing I can think of is that she has moved down lower into my pelvis and perhaps has moved more to the back. But who knows? All I know is that my contractions have changed yet again and all I can do is wonder if these will send me into active labor, or if I’m just going to have to endure these as well.

I think I’m just going to count on next Friday being Baby C’s birthday, as scheduled. And I’m okay with that, anyway. I’m getting used to the annoying contractions and the pain, and I’ve been given a pain medication to help me get rest at night and it is glorious to actually get sleep. So if I can get one week of good sleep before Bitty Girl comes into the world, I’m okay with that. Because something tells me I’m gonna be needing that extra rest. ;-)

By this time next week, we will have our sweet baby and I’m sure all these annoying, painful, miserable, inconvenient, and downright torturous symptoms I’ve had to endure these 9 months will be ancient history and we’ll be over the moon happy to have her here.

Please pray fervently for us as we get closer and closer to meeting her. Please pray for my recovery after my c-section, and please pray that everything goes well – with the surgery and with the sweet darling girl. Pray she is healthy! One week early is still one week early!

I appreciate all of you who have been assuring me that you’ve been praying for me, as well as all the mail and texts and messages we’ve received. You will never know how much it means to me to know that there are people out there who are thinking of us. It makes all of this so much easier for me. I know I don’t have to say how hard this pregnancy has been on me, and I hate bringing it up all the time because I feel like a whiner, but I never expected to be placed on antidepressants during all of this. Your support and love and prayers have made everything so much easier to bear, and I am indebted to you all – you just don’t know how much you have all helped and how much I appreciate you.

I can’t wait for this week to pass and to be able to share our sweet girl with you!

And in case you need a reminder, the two names we’re down to are:

Charlotte or Clara

And I love to see who thinks which name, so keep posting your guess if you haven’t already!

xoxoxo

maybe baby?

So, last Friday was eventful. Almost too eventful for me. I was silent as the old guy pushed my wheel chair {ps – I was so embarrassed to be wheeled out of the doctor’s office in front of a room full of pregnant ladies… like seriously… I’m sure everyone was looking at me!} through the labyrinth of the hospital. He asked me if I was okay, and I answered, “I’m freaking out a little bit!” And a little bit was kind of an understatement. I broke down a couple times as I laid there with the monitors on me. It was just so out of the blue and I never thought I’d actually go into labor on my own, since I was induced with Benjamin five days after his due date. And I mean this was three whole weeks before the fact!

Anyway, I called Monday to make another appointment since I didn’t get to do so on Friday, expecting to either get a Thursday or Friday appointment as I normally do. Nope. Wednesday morning at 9:30.

The thing is, my contractions haven’t stopped since I left the hospital. I am definitely in labor, and I am pretty sure that once I am checked again, they’ll find the contractions have been doing what they’re made to do… and this time, they’ll tell me it’s time to have a baby. Because if they don’t, I could go into REALLY active labor and I just don’t think they want that {since they scheduled my c-section a week before my due date}.

So… If my predictions {and pretty much everyone else I’ve talked to about this} are correct… we could possibly be leaving the hospital in four{ish} days instead of tomorrow afternoon. Meaning, it could be baby time very, very soon.

Nervous! Excited! Anxious! Ahhh!

But ever since Thursday {before I knew I was in labor, but was feeling so off that I almost knew}, I have been praying to God for courage and strength, and to help me trust Him more. And I do. I trust God. I know He is with us. I feel peace when I remind myself of this. So yeah, I’m kinda freaking out on the inside because things are about to be very different – whether it happens this week or next – but I feel at peace with the way things are going.

Our bags are packed, our car is cleaned, baby C’s car seat is installed… {and Benjamin got a new seat himself because he is getting to be such a big boy!} we are ready in that regard. Mom and Dad are ready to leave at any given moment to be here to help take care of Benjamin.

We are planning on keeping our phones off during and after the procedure until Benjamin has been able to meet his sister, so updates will come after the fact… but I would love if you would keep us in your prayers! And who knows – maybe the next time you hear from me, I’ll have a sweet bundle of joy to show off as well!

We’ll see you when we see you!

close call.

Well, today was eventful to say the very least. I didn’t really expect to go in to my doctor’s appointment this morning and end up staying 6 hours hooked up to monitors to observe my contractions. I’ve never been in labor before – natural labor anyway – so I’ve been trying to pay careful attention to any changes in my body here as we are reaching the very end of this pregnancy. Yesterday, I told Carl that I didn’t feel right. This whole week I’ve been feeling kind of off, but especially yesterday, things just didn’t feel right.

Apparently, my feelings had some validation to them because, surprise!, I’m actually in early labor. My contractions while in the hospital today were 2-3 minutes apart, and while I was in labor & delivery, they were off the chart. I was given an IV of fluids in hopes that they would make the contractions stop. If they didn’t stop, then it was real labor. If they did, false alarm.

They didn’t stop. I’m in early labor, but thankfully since it’s not active labor, they decided to send me home because they didn’t want to give me a c-section so early unless I was in active labor.

Seriously thankful to God because I am not ready, not today. I was pretty certain that I was going to be holding a baby by the end of the night, and I was terrified. So I am really thankful that they decided to discharge me.

Please keep us in your prayers. Being in early labor means I could go any day now, or I could make it the next two weeks until my scheduled c-section date – and the latter is my preference.

ANYWAY -

37 weeks, and yes, if you think she looks lower, she is. If you think I look tired in that picture, I was, and I’m even more so now!

Let’s finish up this name game, shall we? Or at least narrow it down to the last two. Like I said last week, we’ll skip the name game next week and the next you’ll hear about it is when we make the final announcement! Excited?? Me, too!

Charlotte
Carleigh
Camryn
Carla
Camilla
Chloe
Cora
Clara
Caitlin
Charity
Clementine

I love the name Clementine, but that is also not the name we chose. So, down to the last two:

Charlotte or Clara ??

You’ll find out soon enough!

slow it down.

Perhaps it’s because we have gotten down to the wire here in the last two weeks of the pregnancy {if you want to be technical, two weeks and two days}. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten to the point where I just can’t do what I used to be able to do, whether because I’m too big in the tummy, too tired, or my super un-fun symptoms keep me from doing it… and that to me is frustrating. Maybe it’s because of the insomnia or maybe it’s just part of the last couple weeks in general, but it feels like time is slowing down for me.

Granted, I don’t want it to speed up, not really. Sure, it’d be nice to get rid of these symptoms. It’d be nice not to have feet jamming up into my ribs, or having to haul a giant belly around, or from side to side if I get uncomfortable in bed. It’d be nice to not have to visit the bathroom so often because a little miss is pushing on my bladder. It’d be nice to not be out of breath doing normal, every day, mundane tasks.

It’d also be nice to hold my sweet baby in my arms and be able to look at her face, instead of just wondering what she looks like while she kicks and thrashes in my belly. It’d be nice to see all this hard work {growing a baby IS hard work} paid off with a precious bundle of joy. I ‘m anxious to see Benjamin’s reaction to his baby sister and see how we all mold together as a family of four instead of a family of three.

But even though I’m anxious to be done with the whole process, and anxious to have baby C in my arms, I don’t really  want things to speed up. These last few weeks are so crucial in development. With Benjamin, I went five days over my due date before being induced {and if I knew then what I know now, I would never have agreed to being induced even then, when there was no real medical necessity}. I know now how important it is to let the baby grow as long as possible. I don’t want her to be here earlier than necessary. I don’t want her to be out at 37 weeks, or 38 weeks. 39 weeks is already pushing it for my comfort levels, but for the health of me and the baby, it’s just necessary that they do the c-section at 39 weeks instead of possibly risking me going into labor on my own {fingers crossed that doesn’t happen!!}.

No, I don’t want her early… but it sure would be nice if time would cooperate with me and speed up just a tad, instead of this ‘slowing down’ business. Although everything slowing down has allowed me to spend more time with my Benjamin… something I wouldn’t trade for the world because he won’t be little for too much longer, and soon there will be another little person here fighting for attention.

I’m thankful to God for these precious two weeks before the baby comes… for this time to be able to slow down a bit and spend time with my little boy. I wouldn’t trade these sweet moments for the world.

 

a glimpse into the nursery.

I think I mentioned last week that I would try to get some good pictures of Bitty Girl’s room to share with you all. I know a lot of you have already seen some pictures up on Facebook of the room, but a lot of you also don’t have Facebook or maybe just haven’t seen it. Anyway, here are a few pictures. Take a gander:

 
the dresser is by far my favorite aspect of the room.

 
obviously we need a mattress still. the afghan was mine as a baby. also, there’s no real theme to the room, besides “stuff I don’t hate”, but a few little birdies found their way inside.

 
just one of the corners beside her crib

 
some bunnies found their way in, too.

 

a lot of the things in her room used to belong to me, or others. the red rocker {infamous for benjamin’s monthly pictures} was mine as a child. the fox in the 2nd picture was my mom’s, which she gave to me. the blue hat was benjamin’s. and the little dress was mine.

{the tray that the fox and hat are on is a baking sheet that I painted, by the way…}

Anyway, it’s really not a huge space and I wanted to keep it sort of simple. My Mother-in-Law sewed the curtains and the crib skirt for us. Most of the other things, I did by hand or had help doing {such as the dresser – Dad insisted on painting the drawers for me}. We honestly haven’t spent a lot of money on decorating her room, which is my favorite part of all, ha!

So, there you have it. A small glimpse into Bitty Girl’s room. Now we just need Bitty Girl…

almost there…

Insomnia continues to rear its ugly head and here I am at 3:20am, 36 weeks pregnant, wishing that there was some way to knock me out. I know there are plenty more things I can try to get better rest, but good grief! I’m wore out from trying all the different remedies! I’ve got Unisom and Melatonin on my bedside table. Carl has given me calf massages. I’ve showered before bed. I’ve had sleepytime tea. I’ve nested till I could nest no more. Ah, my restless legs insist on being restless.

Alas, that’s just the way things sometimes go with pregnancy, I guess. I’m too tired to be too upset right now {I’ll save that for tomorrow}.

Anyway, 36 weeks pregnant with 3 weeks until the scheduled c-section. I’m starting to become nervous, but at the same time I’m really anticipating the end and I am confident that my doctor will do a  great job and my God will take care of me and the baby every step of the way. I can’t wait to see Benjamin’s face when he sees his new sister for the first time. Hopefully we’ll get that captured to share with everyone else.

We’ve been knocking off a few more things from our to-do list. If I can remember tomorrow, I’m going to order the prefolds we need for our diapers, and part of Benjamin’s Big Brother gift from his sister. I washed and folded the diapers that we do have today and put them away in her dresser… it’s all coming together and it all feels more and more real each time I look in that room. I know she won’t be spending a lot of time in there at first, besides changes, but pretty soon that room is going to be ready for a baby. Wow.

So, the baby name game! I’ve been really enjoying all your guesses! Keep them coming. Here’s the list with a new one marked off:

Charlotte
Carleigh
Camryn
Carla
Camilla
Chloe
Cora
Clara
Caitlin
Charity
Clementine

Charity is out – and now only 3 names remain. Charlotte, Clara, or Clementine?? Holy smokes, I can’t believe we are down to 3 names. After the next one is marked off, we will be taking a week off from the game so that we can announce at the hospital after the baby is born.

Here’s another bump photo from this week… I can’t believe she’s still supposed to get bigger in the next 3 weeks. You’d think she’d be running out of room but this girl moves like she’s got all the room in the world!

And, in case you’re wondering, I’ve gained 18lbs so far! It looks like I’ll be hitting right around my goal weight, which is 25lbs. Yay me!