looking back & looking forward

I have not been very good at blogging recently. I used to do well to get one post a day out and I’m sure that was excessive as all get out, but somehow it tapered off to a couple of posts here and there in the month if we were lucky. We’ve been busy with Clara and moving and so many changes.

We’re inching closer and closer to a new year, a fresh slate, a brand new beginning. This past year perhaps could be dubbed “The Year of Challenges” or “The Year of Changes” because we went through so many of both in 2013, but I am sure the next year will bring both as well.

This time last year, I was still only beginning to face my PTSD, beginning to deal with the fact that I had to take antidepressants to help me out as I faced it. Around this time, Benjamin was in the hospital for a second time. We were a few weeks short of meeting our sweet baby girl. Everything was busy, everything was emotional.

This past year has been filled with such a chaos of emotions. Depression, anxiety, joy, fear, anger, hope, sorrow, love, happiness. So many what-if moments, so many blessed moments, so many how-can-this-be-happening-to-US moments. So many thank-you-FATHER moments. I have experienced heartache. I have experienced helplessness. I have experienced hopefulness. I have experienced darkness and light. Love. So much love.

Moments that I wouldn’t dare change because they are necessary.

I’ve grown so much.

We – Carl and I – have grown so much.

Our family has grown so much.

Every time we start a new year, I always hope that by the time it’s over, I can look back and honestly say that I’m a better person now than I was a year ago… and looking back, I think that I am in some areas. In some areas, I’m not. Let’s be honest here, I’m not perfect. I could do better and I hope that I do.

This time next year… I really do hope to be able to look back and say that I’ve conquered myself a little more, that I’ve surrendered my stubborn soul to Him more than the year before, that I’ve given my all to the people I love.

I pray that you… whoever happens to be reading this… whether you’ve endured heartaches or happiness, whether your heart has been weighed down by sorrow and pain or whether it’s been lifted up with joy and peacefulness… I wish you all beauty and growth in the new year. I hope that your soul blooms. I hope that your life overflows with blessing so much that you just can’t stand it.

I hope that this next year is met with courage no matter your circumstance, and determination to be able to look back and say, this time next year, that you did your best and you’re better for it.

Me… I want to be a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better sister, a better in-law, a better… everything. Above all a better Christian. My New Year’s resolution… my every day forthcoming resolution, is to try.

from our family to yours…

May your days be Merry & Bright, and may God bless you in the upcoming new year!

thankful.

I am thankful for so much that I just don’t know where to begin. 2013 has been a whirlwind. So many things have happened and I give glory and honor to God for all of my incredible blessings. I am so blessed where I am and who I am with. I’m blessed with my family and my own personal growth and my new church family. I am blessed to have friends over the miles who I cherish even if I don’t see them every day. I am blessed to have been raised in such an amazing, loving family. I’m blessed to live in a country where the gospel is spread freely. Blessed to have so many freedoms. So blessed to have forgiveness and salvation. Blessed. Just, blessed.

I’m a visual person, so I pulled a few pictures from the year…

I could post more and more but I don’t have the time and I need to get in the kitchen to make some sweet potato dumplings. But I just wanted to wish my friends and family a blessed and happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful for all of you!

blessed & thankful & settling in

So, a week has passed and we are settling in quite well, finally! Clara Grace had a hard time for a few days, not wanting me to leave her at all, and not going down for naps or at bedtime very easily, but I think she is finally getting used to her new surroundings.

In this short week that we have been here, we have already been to Wal-Mart like a million times, saved money by shopping at Kroger, established a new Friday tradition {library – lunch – thrifting}, gotten library cards, met {and loved!} our new pediatrician {because Benjamin needed to go}, been to 1 area wide singing {loved it!}, and did I mention we’ve been to Wal-Mart a million times? ha!

Clara has also gotten sick during this time but I am hoping that she will soon be on the mend… and if not, we’ll be headed back to our new pediatrician to get her well! I certainly do not want to spend Thanksgiving at home with her while everyone else eats turkey!

Benjamin and Clara are sharing a room and so far things are going pretty well with that. Somehow Benjamin doesn’t wake up at night when she is crying which amazes me. Here’s there little setup:

 

So, not too shabby.

As for me… well as soon as Clara started getting more used to the whole thing, I started feeling less stressed and that’s been wonderful. It’s not so bad being in this little apartment… especially knowing we will only be here for a short time.

And as for the place we are… we are blessed and we are thankful.

perhaps the acknowledgements before our next chapter?

Wow... I can't believe that we are moving tomorrow and we'll be starting our new work! I'm nervous and excited! Please keep us in your prayers as we start this new work.

I also want to just say this... I have been blown away not once, not twice, but three times in the past 6 years with my parents' generosity and hospitality and love and care as they have allowed us to stay with them during our transition periods. When Carl and I learned that he had been fired, I called my parents in tears, panicking, sobbing, because I was so scared and uncertain and okay I was pretty much just in freak-out mode. I was hurt and sad and so, so terrified. I was flipping out because we had to be out in three weeks, and that gives no time at all to find a new job and to figure out where we were going.

But my dad told me that night, “Please plan on being here in a few weeks.” – pretty much telling me to stop worrying, that we would be staying with them.

And let me also note that they have also extended their home to my brother and his wife in this time as they are in a transitional period as well. So that means, when we moved in, there were EIGHT people living under one roof.

I am blown away.

And really all I can think right now is that I want to be just like them. I want to take care of people when they need it. I want to extend love and hospitality and care.

My parents are so incredible, so Christ-like, godly, amazing… I could go on. I could, for pages and pages. I am so blessed and humbled and so, so, SO grateful.

Please continue to pray for my family as we continue on this adventure, this new journey. We covet your prayers and your friendship and support more than you know!

happy birthday to a little girl who is missed.

Today, I am thinking of the little girl who we fostered for that short time a couple months ago. Today is her birthday and it’s a day I had hoped at one point that we could be there for, where we could throw her a party and shower her with love and gifts and make her feel loved.

I don’t know where she is, or who she is with, or what’s going on with her but I pray that she is healthy, happy, and safe… and I hope she is having a wonderful birthday and I hope she feels loved.

Happy birthday, O!

 

We love you!

starting a new chapter.

I’m somewhat of a control freak, if I were to be totally honest with you about it. Not that I just like to control everything and everyone, but I like to have order in my life and know what is going to happen days in advance. I know that I need to be more flexible and I believe {read: hope} that I’m getting better at this… I’ve learned that I can’t control every situation and it’s a hard lesson to learn, but I’m learning it.

A lot of things have happened in the last few months that have turned me on my head, and I’m sure you all know this. At the spur of a moment, we agreed to foster a little girl, and while that only lasted a week and a half it really did turn my world upside down in regards to … well, perspective.

And then shortly thereafter, or actually during all of this, Carl lost his job and we were uprooted completely. I have anxiety about moving, so this just threw me completely. Having bills to pay and no job is stressful. Having to move back in with my parents, although I am SO THANKFUL for them, is stressful.

However… it’s not the first time we’ve had to do this. All those details were nothing new. But this time, we were leaving behind so many amazing friends, and people that we have grown to love so dearly. That has been the hardest of all.

Last time we were in this situation, it took almost 5 months to find a new job. But, I’m happy to say that 6 weeks after the fact, we know where we are going and we are so excited to be moving next weekend.

Excited, and also… really scared. Well, I am, anyway.

Because starting over somewhere new is kinda scary for me.

Deep breath. We’re about to start the next chapter of our ADVENTURE story!