Clara, you are three months old!

Another month has flown by! I can’t believe we’re already doing another one of these posts! Every day you seem to change and I get sad because I feel like it’s going by way too fast but I’m also so excited to see what new thing you’ll learn next! I know that you are growing in leaps and bounds and I am all too happy to be along for the ride. I may not get down every single milestone that I’d like to, but I love to see you change from day to day and love to see how much you grow and learn!

You are getting to be a big girl, Clara Grace! You’re wearing 3-6 months sized clothes now, which I suppose is right on target since you’re 3 months. You are on your last rise of your thirsties covers and I guess after then you’ll have to wear your larger covers! How exciting! Maybe we can convince your handsome daddy to let us get another pink or purple one, too. {wink, wink}

You have rolled over a handful of times, but not consistently enough to be able to really put that down as something you’ve gotten the hang of. You are experimenting with your voice a lot more now and I love to hear your short little laughs, or what I assume are laughs. Your smiles are contagious and you have the sweetest dimples! You are a precious, precious little girl!

But you are still a little diva who likes to keep to her schedule. I do my best to not rock the boat for you but girl, you gotta learn to be more flexible! We’ll work on that, okay?

We spent an entire week just about just you and me this past week and it went really well. I’m really glad to have spent that time with you and I hope that we have more mommy and daughter times in the future because I really want a close relationship with you, just as I have a close relationship with Nana.

Although I know from your huge smiles when he got home from camp, you are already a daddy’s girl. Typical.

You are loved, Clara Grace! I hope you never, ever feel differently!

last firsts.

I was thinking today how bittersweet it actually is to be witnessing all of Clara Grace’s “firsts”. Today she grabbed a toy for the first time by herself. She’d grabbed toys with our help before but today she actually grabbed this ball by herself. It’s sometimes the small things that bring about the most excitement and today I was excited for my little girl!

But it was bittersweet as well because this could very well be the last time we witness a “first toy grab” from our babies… because Clara Grace may very well be the last baby that we have. Things could change in the future, you never know, but as it stands it may very well just be Benjamin and Clara – and we are so very, very blessed to have them as our children so I’m not complaining in the least!

It does, however, remind me that every day and every moment is a precious memory.

why do you always call me your baby?

This morning, Benjamin asked me a question: “Mom, why do you always call me your baby?”

I told him it was because I loved him and never wanted him to grow up. He told me that he wanted to grow up big like daddy, and I asked him if it bothered him that I called him my baby. He told me that it did.

My heart sank a little when he said that.

Okay, it sank a lot.

I have known for a while that this was coming. He would no longer want to be called my baby. He would no longer want to cuddle and snuggle under the covers like he used to. I had thought that I’d been preparing myself for this, but this morning, I was not prepared. I wanted to squeeze him and tell him that no matter what, he was still going to be my baby, and he didn’t have to like it. That’s just the way it is. Always my baby.

Instead, I asked him if I could call him my big boy, and he said that I could. That is, after all, what he is. He’s big enough to dress himself. Big enough to turn on lights by himself. Big enough to use the bathroom alone. Big enough to sleep in his big, full-sized bed without any rails. Big enough to walk through Walmart without having to hold a hand constantly.

He’s a big boy. He’s four years old. He wants to do things on his own. He doesn’t want to be a baby anymore.

But you know… I hate to break it to Benjamin, but he is always going to be my baby. I remember the first few minutes after his birth, as everything around me went black and all I could hear was the quiet panic of the nurses around me as they scrambled to stop my bleeding and tried to find my pulse. For a short moment, I had resigned myself to the fact that I would not get to truly meet my baby boy because there was nothing they could do to stop the bleeding, so I thought.

The baby boy I thought I’d never get to hold again will always be my baby boy.

So, don’t tell Benjamin, but I am secretly going to keep calling him my baby. Because he always will be.

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

the many faces of Clara.

I think one of my most frequent forms of entertainment during the day has to be Clara’s expressions. For whatever reason, she is one of the most expressive babies I have ever known, and quite frequently her expressions are hilarious. I know a lot of you have seen me share pictures of her faces… I decided to make a post of a few pictures displaying her crazy faces, and some of her not-so-crazy ones as well. Enjoy!

The bow obviously freaked her out…

The first one she was listening intently to Star Wars music… the second, it put her to sleep.

Always soaking everything up…

If looks could kill…

*wink*

Say WHAAAAT?

Her mouth under the hood is like “uuuhhh???” ha!

Just some random cute faces…

DRAMA.

Sweet smile…

A slightly crazy-looking gleam there…

I don’t even know how to caption the first one… but the second one was her grinning at me as I cracked up at her face in the first one! She likes to laugh along with the “joke”.

 

If she continues to give me some good faces {and I’m sure she will}, I’ll do more posts like these… because they’re fun. Ha!

Clara, you are two months old!

Wow, little girl! Time really has flown! But at the same time it feels like it’s been really slow as well. I suppose it’s just depending on what kind of day we’ve been having because girl, you sure know how to shake things up! There are some days where you won’t let me put you down for very long at all, and others where you’ll take long naps and let me get stuff done around the house. I don’t know which is my preference, because I do like the cuddles! You’re certainly more cuddly than Benjamin – and I thought he would be the ultra cuddly one.

It’s amazing how much you’ve grown in just a month. You’re holding your head up a lot better now and your sleeping is a lot more predictable. Maybe it’s just that I’m getting more used to your schedule and knowing what your cries mean… either way, we’ve seemed to fall into more of a routine lately. Sleep, wake up, eat, change diaper, play, {fuss}, sleep… and do it all over again! My favorite time is when you’re awake and alert to play! It’s fun watching you discover things – such as this week you’ve begun to discover your hands, and it’s been fun watching you learning how to put your hands to your mouth. I’m sure soon we’ll be fighting little things out of your tiny fists before you stuff them into your mouth! You’ve been smiling and trying to laugh more, and we just think it’s the cutest thing! You like to play with Daddy when he turns on some swing and makes you “dance”. You think it’s funny and you’ll just grin and grin at him as he bounces you around. Maybe someday I’ll get a good video of it.

You are doing better in your car seat than you have been, and you actually cry sometimes when we pull you out of your bouncer! Next we need to work on you liking your swing so you can have fun in that! I’m also super excited that we’ll be getting a little pool for you and Benjamin to play in, so we can see if you like the water as much as he does!

It is so fun to see the different changes in you, Clara Grace! We are so blessed to have you as our daughter! I never thought I’d ever be a mommy to a little girl but I am so thankful that I am, because you are a precious treasure to me! {and your hilarious expressions provide endless entertainment for me – thanks!}

-------

And just for fun, Benjamin at 2 months and Clara at 2 months:

I know a lot of people have been saying that they look similar and everything, and I guess in some ways they do look similar {same nose for instance}, but looking at these pictures, I think they are completely different. But, maybe that’s just me! At any rate, God has blessed me with some beautiful children, that’s for sure!

georgia on my mind!

One of my favorite weekends to visit back home in Georgia is Mothers’ Day weekend, which also normally happens to be the weekend that my dad’s birthday falls on. I love going and being with my parents on both of these very special days. It is so special to be able to celebrate this special “holiday” together with my mom… and I love that it is on a Sunday because worshiping with them at New Hope Road is one of my favorite things, too.

Since I haven’t blogged in a while and haven’t shared photos in a while as well, here are some wonderful photos from our weekend in Georgia! Enjoy!

We stopped first at LegoLand Discovery Center in Atlanta… Can you tell who was most excited??

It was really fun!

My dad and Clara. He grabbed her any chance he got!

Clara at the Yellow River Game Ranch, where we went for my dad’s birthday.

This ride-on toy is sooooo old!!

See…?

Benjamin chasing a chicken, for real. Ha!

I wore Clara in her sling for some of the day.

Mothers’ Day morning with my family! Aren’t we a good lookin’ bunch?

I loooove my little family!!!

My grandma got to meet her first Great-Granddaughter :)

I love my beautiful mom!

It was such a great trip… I can’t wait to go back!! I’m already dreaming up plans!!

perfect timing.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you have something weighing heavily on your mind and then all of the sudden, something someone says or does, or perhaps something you see, is exactly what you needed at that very moment?

This just happened to me.

I had seriously opened up Windows Live Writer to write a blog post to open up a bit about how my PTSD/depression had been “treating me” lately.

It’s better than before, most of the time. I get up and take my antidepressant every day {I think… I’m so tired that some days I can’t remember whether or not I’ve taken it} and can’t help but feel a little resentful toward that little pill for having to “rely” on it to be able to function. When it was prescribed to me, I felt the same way… defeated and irritated at myself for having to take medication for something I didn’t fully understand, and still don’t sometimes.

But there are times when my anxiety gets the better of me, still. It makes me feel a little over protective of Clara, especially in the evenings when she is extra fussy. Her crying makes my anxiety spike a bit and I admit that pretty much every night, I will end up in tears myself because the anxiety is overwhelming.

I think I’ve sort of closed in on myself again. The focus isn’t on me, it’s on Clara, and my problems just have to be tucked away until there’s a more ‘convenient’ time to deal with them. I know I shouldn’t do this. I know it only makes it worse. Dealing with this makes me feel so isolated, like nobody understands me. It’s hard when you feel like you have to fight something alone, when a lot of days it feels bigger than you.

Which brings me around to what I was talking about earlier, coming across something at the right time. I was looking on Facebook {as Clara was crying and making my anxiety spike just a little more} and came across an image with this caption: “Are you discouraged or feeling alone? Please know you never out of God's sight. (Psalm 139:3) God loves you.”

 

I needed that tonight. I’m not as isolated as I think, and God is way bigger than my anxieties and setbacks. He’s way bigger than that little pill and I rely on Him, not it.

Sometimes I lose sight of this, but thank God He never loses sight of me.