I don't care how many people are surrounding me: Papaw, Nana, Uncle Steven, and Aunt Melanie. It makes a difference - but not a big one. Because I am always the parent. They can walk away and leave him to his devices if they want, and I will always be the parent. And this week I am it. I am THE parent. I am the Spankin' Giver {because yes, we spank, and no, they won't do it!}. I am the Time-Outer. I am the Napper, the Changer {most of the time}, the Almighty Mommy Voice. All by myself.
I am so tired. I feel like my stress levels are way up. If you've seen Benjamin at all this week you know that he's energetic. All of the time. You've probably noticed the bruises he's been collecting on his face and the scrapes on his knees from where he fell in the parking lot. He's been getting hurt a lot because he's been getting all this energy out and he's doing everything he's ever wanted to do {or that is how it seems}.
I feel like the constant words coming out of my mouth are "Benjamin put that back." "No Sir, Benjamin." "Come here, please." "I said COME here, please..." "Benjamin do not touch Bailey [the dog] on the hiney, that is yucky!" {Yes, I have had to say that one a LOT}.
I'm being up tight, I know I am. I know I should just relax, and usually I am really laid back. But without Hubby here, I feel fifteen THOUSAND times more stressed out and I really don't enjoy it. I'm mean mommy this week. I'm grouchy. I'm really not wanting to blow bubbles all day long but I'm doing it, like it or not, because Benjamin's new favorite toy is his non-spilling bubble toy. That and ohh, everything he is not supposed to play with. He's already broken some glass thing that held a candle here.
All I want to do is to relax. I don't think I will ever relax as long as I am on Vacation with Benjamin. It's not really vacation. Like, at all. While I am here to spend time with family and help out with my mom's VBS class - it's hard to feel like I'm on vacation when I'm doing the same thing here as I do at home: chase Benjamin, discipline, play, love.
Deeeeep breath.
Lots, and lots of prayer.
I am so not perfect. I wish I could be! I can't count all the mistakes I've made just the past few days not only as a mommy but as a sister, a friend, a daughter, even a wife!
Like I said, Lots and Lots of Prayer.
I'm probably making it out harder than it actually is. So far I have left out all the high points, like Benjamin being able to see his Aunt and Uncle, who he never gets to see as they live in Memphis. He's being able to play with Papaw as much as he can and get lovin's from Nana who dotes on him every moment of the day. I'm learning so much from my mom who is a wonderful Bible Class teacher. I'm taking Benjamin to his very first VBS, after which tonight he carried around a Popsicle stick person singing, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus..."
My sweet, sweet baby singing the precious name of Jesus over and over, what a beautiful thing to hear!
Oh, how I love Jesus! I can do all things through Him - even being a single parent for as long as I have to this week...
Which should hopefully be until tomorrow sometime... I cannot WAIT to see my Hubby and to be like HERE! TAKE YOUR CHILD!
I feel better. Thanks for letting me vent. You're a good friend!
I think Kristen(mine) can relate pretty well. Especially when I was at Borders, she would have both kids a lot by herself. The weekends were really bad because I went to work at 11 until 8 Friday and Saturday, and then Sunday I worked all morning. That part has gotten a little better, as I'm sure it will with you.
ReplyDeleteThis might sound sadistic, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like all they say is varying forms of "Don't do that" :-)
You'll make it. Mommies are built tough just for times like this
Kristen, I know exactly what you are going through! I felt the same way at Memphis when the guys would be away or out of town. Most of the time, I stayed with my mom, but some of the time, I tried to wing it on my own. The boys always stayed sick, so wrestling both in and out of doctors offices was a chore. Even when he was there, he had school work, so I took on all major responsibilities. I am STILL always saying, Stop THAT!, Don't touch that! I said NO! Carter, LEAVE SAMUEL ALONE! Samuel, LEAVE CARTER ALONE! LOL.... Even out in public I get so overwhelmed. I actually have stopped going to other people's houses without Daniel. My mom and his mom helps me some, but you are right, you are STILL the parent. I really even hate going grocery shopping or anywhere else with the boys by myself, because I get so overwhelmed and exhausted sometimes. I still go when I need to, I just rather have Daniel to go with me and help me. Just find you a GOOD stress relief. =) I hope things get better for you, and you get back safely to Carl. Just know that you are not the only one who feels this way! I love my boys, and caring for them is a full time job that can get a little crazy! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're stressed! I get uptight with Reagan when Justin's not around as well. For some reason every little thing she does just seems so much worse. I'm not looking forward to him leaving for the mission trip to Jamaica on the 2nd. He will be gone for TEN DAYS! :( My mom is supposed to come visit though so that will make it better. "You can do it!" ;)
ReplyDeleteIt's true that you need someone to spell you now and then. I hope it passes quickly until you have your other half back!
ReplyDeleteUgh, I feel your pain! I've had to go without my husband a few times since we've had Ella, and it is VERY stressful, even if you have family around helping out. Hope you get to relax a bit when he gets back!
ReplyDeletelol hubby can take over for a while when he gets back! It can be a lot of work doing it by yourself when you are used to depending on your partner.
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate. I went to Oklahoma to visit my sister last weekend without my hubby and by the end of the four day visit, I was DONE. We got home at night and I was like Here is your child, you can put him to bed! And then I said Happy Father's day because it was father's day. Yup, vacations are never truly vacations while your child is with you!
ReplyDeleteI can be uptight too. Parenting is so hard too and it's hard to just relax, especially when you are surrounded by family and you want to look like a good parent! That's how I felt all last weekend. You'll make it through and you'll appreciate your hubby even more for it!
I just adore how you write. And I LOVE YOU! So glad that Carl is here safely, that I was able to cover your little man's face with kisses last night, and that you were there with your soft voice and sweet hugs. You are a blessing in my life! <3
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