Wednesday's Walk: The Good, the Bad, and the Baby!

Wednesday's Walk Down Memory Lane is a blogging opportunity for everyone to document and share a memory (or more than one). This is my first Wednesday's Walk, and I think it will be a great experience because I admittedly do not have a very good memory.

One event I don't really remember that well would be my son's first week of life. This was back in January.

Benjamin was due January 14th, but did not come. My doctor had me scheduled to be induced at 4AM on January 19th, a Monday (of all days - a Monday!). We went in, got registered, and at 5AM I was finally given pitocin. Everything was going really well. I went to sleep because I could barely feel contractions. Around 7, though, my Doctor came in and broke my water, and then I felt the contractions. Painful! I think I just about squeezed the life out of Carl's hand before I begged for an epidural. I received one (and recommend it for the wimps out there like me!!), and although it felt really weird when people moved my legs because... I couldn't feel it, it was nice.

We progressed slowly. Seriously. It finally got to the point that with every contraction, Benjamin's heart rate would go down dangerously, so my doctor and the nurses were concerned. Sometime around 8:00PM - 8:30PM, my doctor came in to tell me we would have to have a c-section but first she checked me - I was fully dilated and ready to push!

So that's what we did. For an hour and twenty minutes.

I remember the moment they put Benjamin on my tummy. I couldn't stop touching my baby boy! I remember worrying that I'd be grossed out by a freshly born baby, but no. I was instantly in love with this little baby. He was 7lbs, 15oz, 20 & 1/4 inches. And he was perfect.



They took him away and that's when things started going wrong. I didn't know it but I had a complete 4th tear. I was bleeding out. Everyone started getting really worried when I said, "I'm blacking out..." And it didn't take long for me to lose my vision. Carl was beside me, I could hear him, but I could not see him. I wanted to close my eyes and sleep but Carl begged me to keep my eyes open, even if I could not see. They struggled to find my blood pressure, even with the machine. They couldn't find where I was bleeding out from. I don't know what they were doing or how they were stopping the bleeding. I just know that after a while, I could see again. I could see Carl and I remember the expression on his face. I mumbled a lot of strange things, they said. I will never forget seeing Carl there, and how he looked, and how it felt. I was scared, but Carl was right there with me the whole time. I thought I was going to die, and Carl admitted later that he had thought the same thing.

After they stitched me up, I had 2 units of blood transfused the next morning.

But here's what's foggy. And hopefully writing it out will help uncover some of the memories that I have lost.



I don't remember spending a lot of time with Benjamin. My arms were too sore from having been poked and prodded so many times, so I could barely hold him. I had to lay flat for almost a whole day, so I couldn't even nurse my child. Occasionally Carl would lay him beside me and I'd spend time with him that way. They didn't even move me to a recovery room because they had to keep a watchful eye on me. So I had the pleasure of listening to women around me giving birth. I don't remember screaming like they did. And I asked the nurses and they said, "Yes, they had an epidural too!"





I never complained. Even the nurses noted it. They said other women in my condition would be screaming and whining, but I was easy. I was just blessed to be alive at that moment. I couldn't get up and move around for a while. They had these hockey-gear-looking mechanisms on my legs that massaged them to keep the blood flowing.



Finally, though, I was able to sit up. And eventually I was able to get up and move around - very, very slowly. I remember one night when Carl and my mom had left to take my mom back to our house and I had asked them to leave Benjamin in the room with me. I sat in a chair and Benjamin laid in his little bassinet and I just looked at him. But then he started crying and I couldn't get up to get him because I needed help. I had to call the nurses in 3 times that night before Carl got back, and then I lost it. I couldn't take care of my own son.



On the last day in the hospital (I stayed an extra day), I was able to get up and move around. We even walked the hall for a bit, pushing Benjamin in his bassinet. I was so happy when we got to leave. I couldn't wait to take my precious boy home! We had been through a lot and now I just wanted to be home with my family!



You know, it was a really tough delivery. It was a long recovery. It was emotional and stressful.

But...



I'd do it again in a heart beat.