The Birds

I don’t understand why this happens to me. You’re going to laugh but just know that these things seem to happen to me a lot, and neither enjoy nor understand. I feel like my entire life is a slow build-up of the Alfred Hitchcock movie The Birds.

You might think I’m making an exaggeration there. I mean, how could someone be tormented by birds all their life? It started with peacocks at the zoo, progressed to ducks and peacocks at a petting zoo, then onto being bitten hard on the arm by a parrot in a pet shop {it drew blood}… My life is a series of bird-related, tormenting incidents.

Thus, I am absolutely terrified of birds if they get too close.

I’m blogging about this because something happened yesterday that I want to share with you, to spread awareness about those little creatures, who although they have ‘bird brains’ are a little too clever and mean for their own good, or for my comfort levels.

Yesterday we returned home from having Easter lunch with friends at their house, and we pulled into the carport. I glanced over to the door to the screened-in porch and saw a reflection of birds. I pointed it out to Carl and he said they were on the outside of the screen, and not inside the porch, and I was like, “Good, because I would not go in there if they were inside.”

I’m sure you can guess what happens next.

I’m the first to open the door and step inside to find a flock of birds {Carl said there were four but it felt like a million to me} congregating the in corner of the porch, squawking and screeching and flapping. And I, terrified to the core, began to scream my head off, letting out a series of shrill shrieks.

I only stopped when I realized that the neighbors could probably hear me.

I did my best to get inside the house as fast as possible. {I was nice enough to usher Benjamin into the house before me – who knows what he was thinking about the four birds flapping around and his mommy freaking out!} Carl proceeded to direct the birds out…

Besides being totally freaked out and Benjamin getting smacked in the head with a door {not my doing!}, there was no harm done, but the fact remains that birds are still out to get me. I can’t count how many times we had birds trapped in our old screened-in porch in Georgia, not to mention that one time a bird was actually in our house waiting for us when we got home from Church one day {still unsure as to how that one got inside}. And it seems wherever we live, we find dead birds all over the yard. Even here! Soon after we moved in, I found a dead bird in the front yard! Bad omen, or what?!

Whatever they are planning, I wish they would get it over with because all this build-up is freaking me out. And don’t get me wrong – I have tried to bridge our relationship. I used to throw old bread out on the deck for them.

Anyway, now you know a little bit more about me and one of my biggest phobias.